Part 3 of Emotions

 The Waiting to Be Picked 

This time is the longest. 
It can be months or years 
(currently we have been in this section for over two years) 

It’s a roller coaster, a never ending ride  and the track can change in a quick moment. Every morning you get online hoping you can grab that first car so you can see what is ahead of you but sadly that front car is for those who have already completed the process before! You are stuck in the back riding blind, trying to learn how to control your emotions with each loop and dip you hit along the way. Some days it’s a pretty smooth with a disappointing ride that ends at night. Then you wake the next morning to ride again. Other days you get lucky to get on a track that takes you on a multi day ride. Ups and downs of emotions, loops of hope, spirals of  questions, only to end in a disappointing plumit to the exit or if your lucky you get to stay on for another ride. 

This processes if difficult because your still navigating how to handle you emotions without anyone knowing. Everyday you wake up not knowing if you will hear from the agency so you try to live your normal life, but in the back of you head your on that line for the roller coaster. You try not to get on but then you see a commercial for diapers or baby food and BAM! your on that ride wondering if you will hear anything today! And the days you do hear from them you have to hurry up so you can wait..... hurry up and decided if you want your profile shown....hurry up to see if Jeff agrees...then you answer them and start the wait. Depending on the situation you may have small feed back with questions or scheduling a meeting, or you just wait to find out if you have been picked or not. It takes days when your profile is shown so your trying to control any excitement. No matter what you check your email multiple times a day just in case you hear something...

And if you hear nothing or don't get picked you move on to a new day on the same old roller coaster. 

Part 2 Emotions!

1. The Application and Approval

I have covered a lot about this process in earlier posts. It's long and frustrating but it is the only process that you have control of how quickly it goes. If you procrastinate it will take forever! Normally it takes about 6 months because of state back ground checks, the quicker you get your paperwork in the sooner they get the results.

 I would compare it to applying to a new job. You put your best self out there, hope your references say nothing but nice things, and you make sure you get them whatever papers they want. The emotions don't really go to crazy, stress is there but you have the control so you handle it the best you can. 

Of course the majority of people don't tell family and friends that he are going through it until they are approved. You have a close knit group who know because they are your references but that is really all you are comfortable in telling. So you learn how to fake emotions. You smile and act like nothing is wrong, yet you have the home study in the back of your head. So the emotions can be tricky all depending on how private you keep things. 

Then there is also the excitement. How will you announce it? How will your family react to the idea of adoption? When can you start to buy baby stuff? You get to start day dreaming of bringing home your little one! As someone who went the path of fertility treatments that thought is a very forgotten one. You start to look at pintrest and make private boards. You are excited, you have a hope you haven't had in a long time, you are hopeful! That is what the application and approval process is all about....

The Roller coaster of Emotions

I have gotten the same question from people 

"What is it like to be going through the adoption process?" 

So I decided I would answer it here in multi blog response over the next week. If you have any questions as I go over it please feel free to comment so I can answer. I love to answer questions and nothing is off limits.

First you have to break it into 5 different categories. 

1 The application and approval
2 The waiting to be picked
3 The possible selection
4 The chosen and waiting again
5 The placement and forever

I like to compare the entire process to pregnancy. I have offended people by doing this because they say I couldn't understand but I personally believe anyone who has struggled with fertility has an amazing understanding of the emotions involved.

Finding the right partner
The Application processes

Just like looking for the right spouse or partner to create a future with, the agency application process can be a whirlwind experience. Of course there is a lot more paperwork and back ground checks with adoption, but it really is a get to know you process. You also have the excitement if you chose to announce to the world that your making a commitment to each other.

Trying to get pregnant
Waiting to be picked

So this one is pretty simple in the comparison. You do your part to make things happen but honestly you have no control on what happens so you just have to trust in God.

Waiting for test results
The possible selection

So this is the part you've been waiting for! That positive test results or in the adoption world the message on your portal saying you've been selected! Of course you still can't say anything to anyone because things do happen beyond your control.

The first trimester
The Chosen and waiting again

This is the hardest part because you want to shout it from the mountain that there is going to be a baby!!! OMG someone trusts me to be a mother!!! Holy crap!! But just like a first trimester being picked doesn't guarantee you anything. At birth the mother can decided to parent the baby and just like a miscarriage you will need to learn to move on with the loss. There is no answers to why this happens but we all always blame ourselves.

Labor and Delivery 
The placement and forever

This comparison can be literal if you have a expected mother who wants you there in labor and delivery or metaphorically. The placement in the exciting time, the time where after all the waiting, and emotions you finally get to hold that baby in your arms. You finally get to share they joyful news with your family, celebrate the new arrival, and start to feel like thousands of new parents around the world.

The next blog will be about what the emotions are like from my view point during the 5 different processes. Tomorrow will be The Application and Approval Processes.