The Final Cut!

So as you know we finished our home study a few months ago. Since then we have been working hard on our profile album. We knew this process wouldn't be fast so taking a few months didn't surprise us. This one book is going to introduce us to many expected mothers.

Well the first soft copy was sent in to our counselor back in September for approval. Of course nothing ever gets approved on the first draft so we were called in for a prof meeting. What is a prof meeting? Well I don't know what they are normally but for us it was a unique chance to sit and talk with the expected mother counselor. We got to learn about her and she got to find out about us as we all worked on the little details to make the book perfect. When we left that night we felt excited about the book and how it was going to introduce us.

Of course all this was going on during the busiest time of the year for me. Work was picking up, youth group was moving forward, and the new Tastefully Simple catalog was out. Hunting season was in full swing so Jeff was juggling that, work, and of course we both had a home to take care of. So a week went by and I didn't touch the profile, then before I knew it another week had passed. Finally as I ate dinner we worked on adding some fine details, correcting grammar, and giving the book a little more pop.

Before we knew it we were getting ready to go away for a wedding and my goal was to get the new soft copy out to our counselor for final approval. Just over two months had already passed since our home study finalized and I was itching to be done and in waiting mode. We looked forward to going away with a the much needed break and even more we were excited to celebrate two sweet and wonderful people as they become one.

The following week we got the okay to go to final print!!! It was like the sky opened up and Angels came down singing and playing harps. I was nervous when I hit the button and confirmed the order. This one little thing was probably the most import part in the puzzle. This was going to introduce us to our future child's birth mother. This book would be the key to open her eyes to us. Maybe it will be the cuteness of Winnie, the smiling faces of our friends and family, the words Jeff and I wrote about each other that will make her say "I want to meet them". I don't know, no one knows because just like a finger print each expected mothers connection to a waiting parent is unique.

So now 7 copies have been printed. Six have been sent to the agency were they will be sent to their offices in New York, Connecticut, and New Jersey. One will be put away for our future child, so that one day if they want to see it they can. The information within the pages are part of their story and we will keep it private for them. We look forward to the notifications when ever an expected parent sees our book and pray for the day it is seen by the expected mother of our future child.  

Facebook Offcial aka 1 month Approved!

So a few minutes ago Jeff and I decided it was time to let the world know and make if Facebook Official!

Why did we decided this was the time?

Simple I have started working with the youth group again at my church and how can I the youth leader be keeping a secret that will effect youth events. By going public I can always make sure I have people ready to jump in when that moment happens.

There is also an other reason we have decided to let it be known at this time. We are expecting parents! We don't know when we will bring home a bundle of joy home, but like every other expecting parent we are enjoying the planning process! And even though the reality hit me this weekend that I will never get that special parking space at babies r us, we got to go look at cribs with Jeff's mom, and I got way to excited when they had the exact stroller I want.

So we decided that since we are a few days past the 1st month mark it was time to share the great news with everyone!

It's all about Pictures

So when you are making an adoption profile you start to realize how bad you photograph.

And I don't mean oh I blinked in that photo but more like why do I look like death in photo's!

Then you start to realize that the only pictures you have with your loving husband are from your trips to Disney World. Why is this? Well that's easy because I'm the one taking all the pictures. That and the fact that Jeff and I get all awkward when someone tells us to stand together for a picture and I'm normally a hot mess by the time photo's start to get taken. I'm not hair and make up girl so normally after sight seeing all day I look a mess. I wish I was a hair and make up girl but the past few years I have lost interest in trying out what to do with my hair so the pony tail is the way for me!

So what do you do when you have a limited time and a limited budget but need some great pictures to start and end the profile? Simple you call your amazing friend Joe and ask if he could see if his very talented sister Rachel would take photo's of you. We were willing to pay, we had seen some of her amazing work, and we knew she would be just as sweet as her big brother.

So on a hot day in August we meet up with Rachel at one of our favorite locations to snap some pictures. Van Campen Inn was built in the mid 1700's as a residents in the rural farm land along the Delaware River. It was a stop on for stage coaches heading along Old Mine Rd which ran from Philadelphia to Boston. It is now a historical site that sits in the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area. It is a piece of history and now it is also part of ours.

Since I'm so pale we tried to take some pictures in the shade but odd shadows didn't help. We were surprised that pale Donna does good against white steps. Of course Jeff loved having the pictures on the steps, but he takes great pictures no matter where he is. So after playing around we were very excited to see how great the pictures came out and there was just one more we just had to have....

Our family isn't complete with out our Winnie!

Rachel did a great job and we walked away with the perfect pictures for our profile.

Home Inspection!!!

Monday~ August 8th

So today we had the final step in the home study!! We spent the last two weeks cleaning the condo and finally getting things organized. I ended having to miss my cousins birthday party because I let the stress of the moment get to me. I cleaned, organized, cleaned again, and got rid of papers I have been keeping for no reason. We worked our butts off this weekend making sure the condo was dusted top to bottom and Jeff even cleaned the carpets. The condo looks great, the doggies smell has gone away and then I made one of our favorite meals. And so on Sunday night we realized the condo smelled! Thank God for our wonderful neighbor who let us use their Febreze and the smell of that wonderful meal was gone.

On Monday morning Jeff, Vickie, Winnie, and I woke up finished some last minute details and waited for our social worker to show up. The condo had the sweet smell of melting wax, the dog was basking in the sun and Vickie was on the hunt for bed bath and beyond coupons for work. Bright sun light soaked through the windows giving the condo that extra little glisten that made me love it to start with and she finally arrived. It was time for that final inspection. The confirmation we lived where we said we lived, and the condo was indeed a safe clean home for our future baby.

Of course I was stuck on a work call when she arrived so Jeff showed her around and I joined them shortly there after. Vickie lucked out with some small talk and confirmation that she indeed has a bedroom here and I didn't make her up. Then it was time for us to sit and talk. She had seen our home, saw that we have our guns locked away, and indeed the home was super clean. A normal weekend dusting and vacuuming was probably all I needed but I was calmer knowing the house was extra clean.

We sat and talked and found out that we indeed had finished the home study! We had passed completing everything is just under 3 months. We are ready to matched with an expected mom! Of course this also means we sit and wait. We wait to be picked and only God knows when that will happen. But we will be ready to bring home that baby when God tells us it is the time!

2nd & 3rd Meetings

So my plan was to have pictures to accompany all my posts but I'm excited to say things are happening fast! Of course the home study portion is all about hurry up and wait. We have 6 months to complete the home study and once it is done we going into a holding pattern. The sooner we finish the home study the sooner our profile is available for the expected parents to see.

So on my birthday we had our 2nd meeting. I worked a half day and then Jeff and I headed to Bergen County to meet with our social worker. This meeting was all about reviewing the stack of paperwork and going over what was missing. Of course our back ground checks through the state still hadn't returned and a few more papers were needed to be filled out. We were very excited to receive the forms on how to set up our profile book. We knew this would happen but to have it happen so fast made us excited. So we headed out from our meeting ready to celebrate my birthday.

Our third meeting was our one on one interviews. This would also be our last meeting in Bergen County during the home study. It was scheduled for two weeks after the last meeting but at the last minute it was delayed a week. Once again I worked a half day before we headed down. We knew that each of us would meet with our social worker for at least 45 minutes privately so we brought our books with us. Our one on ones was all about finding out about our childhoods, families, and our marriage. Even though we had both wrote autobiographies she still asked questions. I have to admit it was easier to talk about it then write about it. We did find out that the state back ground checks still hadn't been returned so that is the only thing delaying us. Since she isn't worried about that because we had such great letters of recommendations she was ready to schedule our home inspection!

So we left with two weeks to be ready for her to come to our home. She looks forward to meeting Vickie and finally have a chance to talk to her. We will also have to have our profile ready for her to review so that it can be sent to print!

Wish us luck as we get ready to finish the home study! 

Baby Care Workshop

This is our baby!

Jeff and I got to take our first workshop!

During this great workshop you had 6 couples and a wonderful nurse sitting in a small office with very little air conditioning. Oh and it was for 3 hours! We learned what many would expect to learn at a baby care class like swaddling, feeding, and car seats.

Yet before we got to the fun stuff like how to burp a baby and how to expect to never sleep again we had the adoption section of new baby. This was the section that isn't talked about much and people who don't adopt never think about. When your adopting you spend so much time planning to brig the baby home that you never think about what happens when the baby is born. Since Jeff nor I will be the one going through labor and pushing the baby out we won't be the ones making those first decisions. We will not be the ones who the baby is handed to or the ones who will have the matching wrist bands. If we are even invited to the hospital we will be just guests. This first part was the realty that I personally was not wanting to think about. This is the expected parents time to make sure adoption is what they want to do. This is the time I don't want to get to attached but at the same time want to be part of. The class helped me understand the different things that will happen and how it truly varies from hospital to hospital. It has helped me truly want to go with the flow so that the expected parents have their time to say goodbye.

The next part was the 2nd fact of adoption. Travel! Since the probability of our child being born locally is like 1% we have to be prepared to travel. It could be an hour away or many hours away. We also have to be ready to stay in a hotel for a week or more while the paperwork is processed. If our future child is born in a different state the process to come home is a bit longer. There are laws to protect babies from being sold and we have to make sure our paper work is done before crossing state lines. We also learned about bonding with baby and how the baby may not want to be held. Most people don't realize that a new born already knows their birth mothers voice and the smells of the hospital is their normal. When your adopting an infant those sounds and smells are taken from them so it is important to understand bonding will take a bit longer then normal.

The final part was the normal baby care many would expect. We learned about the different ways to hold a baby while burping, the different ways to warm a bottle, and how to bath a baby. We also learned about car seats and swaddling. The wonderful nurse reassured us that even those babies are cute there will be times we need to hand the baby off and walk away. Sleep will be a blessing and everyone has their specialty when dealing with the new family member.

We were sent home with a packet of papers including care seat check list, vaccination information, and how to bond with baby. My favorite sheet is the shopping list. The this is real and these are the things you will need when baby is born shopping list. That one sheet makes me feel no different then any one of my friends and family members who have been pregnant. It is my happy I'm so excited list. This was our first OMG this is for real class. It was the first step for us to feel like expecting parents and we loved every moment of it.

Folder

We are excited and relieved to have finished all the piles of paperwork!!! Well almost all the paperwork...

We completed 99.9% of the paperwork. Still being worked on is the auto biographies we are each required to complete. We also are currently reading the books that are required. So as of now we have completed enough stuff to move forward with the second meeting. When is that second meeting? It just happens to be scheduled for my birthday! What a great gift for me to be able to work towards starting our family on my 40th birthday!

Jeff and I are so excited that we moving so smoothly through the home study. Knowing that we are one step closed to finishing our home study is so exciting. We like to compare it to being about 4 months pregnant. The time when your family knows your expecting but it's still to soon to start shopping!

So until the next blog I hope everyone has a blessed day and enjoy sharing in our excitement!

Cleaning

As many people know one of the big things in adoption is the home study. Of course as I have mentioned in earlier posts there is more to a home study then the actually inspection of the home but there is an inspection at the end. Since Jeff and I have lived in our home for 5 years now things have collected and dust is a major collections!

So we cleaned. Well in the process of cleaning. Everything! Everywhere! And purged!! First we worked in our office aka the half the kitchen. This area tends to collect a lot for the simple fact that our heavy trash and recycling gets put there. Also any hunting and fishing equipment that hasn't been put away yet ends up in front of the desk. So we dedicated one full day to just cleaning that. Mind you we moved all the furniture, mopped the floor, and reorganized the room.

Then we rearranged the living room. Well I rearrange the living room twice a year so this year I happened to have help. Later that night I did the dinning room by myself. Fear of breaking the glass in my china cabinet kept me from moving it but I did my best to dust behind it. I know they aren't going to look behind the furniture but as a girl with a dust mite allergy I prefer to get rid of all the dust! Mind you Jeff and I have 24 hours off at the same time! Of that 24 hours one or both of us are asleep for 12 -16 hours and I have church. So doing spring cleaning like this takes multiple Sundays. One per room is our average but during that we are still trying to have a social life, do the adoption paperwork, read the books require, start taking classes, and oh yeah spend time together to make sure we keep focused on our marriage. Maybe it's good adoption is costing us so much money because we are so busy we don't realize we have no money!!

Then came Memorial Day Weekend! Most people get all excited about going to the beach, going to BBQ's, and visiting family. Jeff and I tackled our bedroom. A room that hasn't been rearranged ever! Other then cleaning what I could get to quickly between sleep schedules the bedroom hadn't had a good cleaning in a year. Plus all the furniture in our bedroom is heavy! So instead of spending time with family or spending the day at the range shooting we cleaned. Again. Jeff had worked over time that weekend so he wasn't 100% and I was moody from missing out on a get together to clean. But we cleaned and cleaned and Jeff moved furniture and we cleaned again.

Then when we were done the room felt empty! Why empty you ask? During all the cleaning Jeff and I have decided that Winnie didn't need the kennel anymore. So after 5 years her kennel has left the room. So as we prepared to move one baby into our bedroom we had to accept that our first baby isn't so little anymore. So as we prepare for parenthood in this private, lonely way our emotions range. Many people don't understand, many don't care, but we clean and we get ready to be parents. Please understand during this time we aren't being anti-social, we are cleaning and we are adoption poor. And even though we may have our moments were we wish we could go and do whatever both of us know there isn't anything else we would rather do then prepare for our future. 

Medical Forms and Finger Prints!

Two of the forms that came in our home study packet are the medical form and the finger prints. Both require little of us other then showing up and doing as we are told.

The medical forms was pretty easy. We are blessed with a wonderful nurse Nicole and a great doctor we call Dr. D. Since Nicole had been informed ahead of time that we were pursuing adoption she was not surprised when I showed up with the forms. After we reviewed them together she recommended that Jeff and I make a joint appointment and come in to see Dr. D. Quick and easy we had our appointment for the next week. On the day of the appointment we reviewed our records, got our Tuberculosis test, and then it was time to have our drug test. Dr. D is a great guy with huge smile and always a sly comment so when he made a joke about hoping we passed the test we were not surprised. What did surprise us was when we left the exam room to go to the nursing station Nicole made the same joke word for word. Three days later we returned to have the tuberculosis test checked and have Dr. D joke with us that he was disappointed that we passed the drug test. Always joking but also so happy for us as we go on this great journey.

The second thing that had to be done was get our finger prints done. The new modern way of doing it is to make an appointment with a private company that the state uses and go have computer scanned finger prints done. It's not a cheap process costing us $56 a person and included Vickie. She had been through this for her job so she was a pro and had it scheduled and done with no issues. I on the other hand was over stressed and had so many dates in my head that I mess ours up. I had made the original appointments wrote everything on the form down and told Jeff the wrong day. Yes we showed up 1 day late! So I had to go home, go online make a new appointment and pay again! Finally today we had our appointment and got our finger prints done. Its pretty simple with the new system because there is no ink involved just a scanner, computer, and finger printing expert. Of course if the computer doesn't like the way the scan comes through you have to keep doing it. I was told I have awesome fingers for printing because the computer took everyone on the first time! Jeff well his thumbs and the computer didn't agree! But we were finished in ten minutes and out the door. The picture above is the hail we encountered on the way home from the finger printing office. IT'S JUNE!

Common Terms Used for Adoption

Below is a list of some of the common terms used in adoption. If I ever use a term that you are unsure of please pose a question in the comments.

Adoptee: person who has been adopted.

Adoption: a legal and social process involving the transfer of parental rights from a child’s birth parents to his adoptive parents.

Adoption Agency: state-licensed organization that facilitates the placing of children with prospective adoptive individuals or families.

Adoption Agreement: document signed by birth parents and adoptive parents that outlines the frequency and level of contact between them after the adoption takes place.

Adoption Decree: court document issued to the adoptive parents after an adoption has been finalized.

Adoption Facilitator: individual who helps match prospective birth parents and adoptive parents.

Adoption Match: process in which adoptive parents connect with prospective parent(s).

Adoption Plan: legally non-binding arrangement between birth parents and adoptive parents regarding the placement and rearing of their child.

Adoptive Parent: person who legally assumes responsibilities of parenting an adopted child

Adoption Profile: autobiographical letter created by hopeful adoptive parents for prospective birthparents.

Adoption Professional: individual providing adoption services.

Adoption Records: legal documents pertaining to an adoption.

Adoption Triad: three parties involved in an adoption relationship — birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents.

Amended Birth Certificate: birth certificate issued to the adoptive parents after an adoption is finalized.

Biracial: person whose parents are of different races. Birthfather: biological father of the child placed for adoption.

Birthmother: biological mother of the child placed for adoption.

Closed Adoption: adoption in which the adoptive parents and the birth parents have no identifying information about each other or ongoing contact.

Consent Form: legal document signed by birth parents that terminates their rights over their child and transfer them to the adoptive parents

Criminal Clearance: process used by police or FBI to determine whether the waiting parent has a criminal record.

Disrupted Adoption: adoption that fails before finalization.

Facilitator: individuals who helps match prospective birth parents and adoptive parents

Finalization: legal procedure granting the adoptive parent(s) permission to adopt.

Hopeful Adoptive Parents: individuals or couple that has been approved to adopt but have not had a child placed with them.

Identifying Information: information about adoptive parents or birth parents such as full names and addresses.

Infertility: inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term.

Networking: outreach efforts by waiting parents to spread the word about their desire to adopt.

Open Adoption: adoption where birthparents and adoptive parents exchange identifying information and keep in touch after the adoption.

Open Records: accessibility to adoption records. Placement: relocation of a child into a foster or adoptive home.

Private Adoption: adoption arranged through a privately-funded licensed agency.

Private Adoption Agency: non-government stage-licensed agency that arrange adoptions.
Special Needs Child: child who may be physically, mentally and emotionally challenged.

Relinquishment Papers: legal documents that terminate birth parents legal rights to their child and transfers them to the adoptive parent(s).

Waiting Parent: another term for hopeful adoptive parents.

Book, books and more books

Who would think the Jeff and I would decide to read more then the required reading?!?

When we received our envelope the one thing it included was the list of books. There was a total of seven books we could pick from but our social worker marked four she recommended. One book she required so that was given. The other three we could chose which two we wanted to read. Well being the over achievers we are Jeff and I opted to go with all the ones our social worker recommended!

Jeff's first choice in books to read happens to be the one that is required reading.

The Connected Child

Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption  this book will help us with 3 things:

1. Build bonds of affection and trust with our future child.

2. Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorder.

3. Discipline our child with love without making him or her feel threatened.

My first choice in books to read is

Inside Transracial Adoption

Written by two adoption experts who also happen to be mother of adoptive children of different race and multicultural families. The book is a guide to navigating the challenges that white adoptive parents face when adopting a child of a different race or culture. We will learn that we will not understand all the challenges a child of a different race will face and how to provide a support system for them. We will also learn how to embrace their history and make ours culture just as important.

Now on to the future reading options that we have!

The Open Adoption Experience

Once again written by two adoption experts who have adopted children and help future parents with training and guidance in the open adoption experience. This book will help us understand and navigate the path of open adoption not only before and during the adoption process but also as our child reaches different stages in life. Pretty much this will be a road map to understanding it all!

Raising Adopted Children

Written by one of the authors of The Open Adoption Experience for this book she drew on the latest research in psychology, sociology, and medicine to guide parents through all stages of their child's development. She also writes about the pressing adoption issues of today including open adoption and transracial adoption. There are also answers to many of the most frequently asked questions adoptive parents have such as "When and how should I tell my child they are adopted".

None of these books are small and Jeff and I plan to make sure we take our time to understand each one. The benefit is we will be discussing them with our social worker and we own them now so as we move forward in this journey we will be able to go back and read them!

Telling the Families!

--May 16-21--

So how do you announce to your families that you going through this process? What about when the live overseas and in a total of 9 different states?

You go away on your 5th Anniversary trip and get Mickey Mouse Ears that are custom made with Adopting on them! Then you walk around taking pictures of the ears and getting your picture taken with the ears!

Then you realize that by the time you get the pictures taken you look a hot mess!

And even though some came out really cute we knew we had time to design our announcement.

So when we got home Jeff and I agreed that we didn't want to tell anyone else until we got that famous envelope. Then we would tell our families with a post card we could custom design.

Sorry the pictures aren't clear I will try to update them!

So once we got the envelope we finalized our design and ordered the very special post cards! Once we got them I spent the weekend addressing and stamping them all.

So how do you make sure everyone gets notified around the same time? Timing! First went out the international pile. Small but first to go. Then you wait. And keep waiting. Okay out of states can go out! Finally on Saturday you mail out the Jersey pile because going over the weekend should help with making sure everyone finds out within a day of each other!

We are so excited to share this news with our families. We have waited a long time to be able to get all silly and have some type of announcements and going Disney just fit!

The Envelope Part II

So as I had mentioned in the last post the envelope was full of papers. The second pile is all the things Jeff and I have to deal with and Vickie is blessed to not be a part of. Does this mean she is done no but for now she can relax.

So what does the second pile consist of? Oh piles and piles of papers for us to fill out. To start with we have all the legal forms. These forms are all the ones that protect us the adoptive parents, them the agency, and also the expecting parents (birthparents) & the future child. We are not surprised by the legal forms actually we expected to be signing our lives away. So below I will list and give a brief description.

1. Policy Birthparents Assistance- This form explains the policy that the agency has with the birthparents on financial assistance. NJ State Law is very strict on what can and can not be paid for and this pretty much explains what the agency can and can't' pay for and who makes the determination on what is covered. None of this comes from us the adoptive parents.
2. Adoption Release and Consent Form- In this form we state that we are interested in coming into contract with the agency and that we understand the impact adoption will have on us emotionally and financially.
3. Information to Parents and Adoptive Applicants- This is the form that states the laws about what NJ requires the agency to provide to us and the birthparents.
4. Client Grievance Procedure- Pretty straight forward this tells us what happens if we are unhappy with a decision and what we can do about it!
5. Notice of Privacy Practices for Client Confidential Information- Think of this like your HHIPA form you sign at the doctors.
6. Parental Discipline Policy- In this packet it states that the agency doesn't condone child abuse and what NJ considers abuse. If at any point between now and the final home inspection we show signs of abuse we know we will lose custody.
7. Post-Placement Agreement- The final legal form is were we agree that we will follow the law of having the state required amount of home study visits once placement has happen before the final court appearance to complete the adoption.

The next grouping of papers I would like to call the who are we, who influenced us, and who will influence our child. This is the packet that helps our social worker learn all about us, our family, and our friends. Once again I'm going to list it!

• Guardianship Plans- We have to decide now who will take custody of our child and we have to follow their requirements in picking. Why because they want to know that if something happens to us our child will be with people who are happy, healthy and able to take care of them.
• Autobiography- Yes we have to write a report about ourselves. It has to talk about our childhood, our families, and our friends. We also have to talk about our lives now and that wonderful person we are on this journey with.
• Self Study- We get to talk more about ourselves! This is a 5 page packet that full of questions about personality, childhood, marriage, and our future child.
• Family History- This is when they get to find out about our parents and siblings. We have to talk medical and brief family overviews.
• Adoptive Family and Wants- this is a big packet were our Winnie finally comes up. There is also the service plan where we answer questions on what we are looking for in a birthparent and child. The list of questions is long but things like family medical history of the birthparents are included and what gender we want. (we want a baby any gender any race).
• Certificate of Financial Statement- Pretty much they want to know what we are worth. Its very simple how much money do we have, what do we make, and what do we have in assets.

The final form is the first of our education requirements. This is the preparation of families adopting domestic children. What is that you ask? Its a list of books that they want to chose from. Our Social worker check 4 books to chose from one being required. In total we have to read 3 books and have discussions with her about all of them. Jeff and I have chosen to read all 4 books that she suggests because we found all of them interesting. I will blog about the books in the future. But for now I must go and work on the piles. Bye!

The Envelope

-May 12-

So we knew the envelope was going to have paperwork for us to fill out. Little did we know that it was going to have so much paperwork in it. Think of it as more Harry Potter then Cat in Hat amount of pages. It just doesn't seem to end!

The first pile of papers include everything that my poor niece has to take part in. When your adopting every person in the house has to be involved. So since she currently has bedroom here she gets to be a part of it! So the first pile starts with a form we had to fill out and mail back to have a background child abuse check done. Then there was the drivers abstract that we each had to get from Motor Vehicles.

As anyone in Jersey knows the thought of having to go to one of regional offices such as Wayne would make any person rethink adoption. Of course you could fill out an online form but for that you have to send away for a pin. So off I went after work on a Monday to the best DMV office in New Jersey the Newton location! I expected to be told I would have to head out of county and wait hour upon hour to get what I needed. I played it over and over in my head explaining to Vickie and Jeff how they would have to give up a day in their life to go to Wayne and deal with DMV. Then the miracle happen and the cop behind the counter asked the boss what window to send me to and with in 15 minutes I was done! I figured I spent $1 per minute to get the abstract! So I informed Jeff and texted Vickie that they could go to Newton to get it done. So with $15 person they both were able to stay locale and get it done! Just ask Vickie how great it was.

Next is finger prints! For this we had to go online and make appointments to go to get electronic finger prints done. The cost $56 per person! Of course we lucked out again and were able to schedule appointments in Sparta. I'll keep you posted if anything strange happens when we go. It takes a least a week to get the appointment.

The final form that Vickie gets to take part in is our medical release form. This is probably the easiest form for us. We really don't do anything other then sign the release part and drop it off at the doctors. Of course as a controlling person it makes me worry the most. How do I know the doctor will make sure it is filled out completely and sent out. I can't but I do know my doctor and his nurse and have trust in them. So I will drop off the forms and forget about them so that I don't worry.

More info coming on the rest of the piles.........

Submitting the Formal Application

April 26, 2016- So we finally finished the formal applications and double checked it. We also had to provide some additional papers to support the application. So pretty much we well really I was stressed when I pressed the submit button. I thought I would be able to do as Disney has taught us and Let It Go but no I couldn't.

One thing you hear a lot of when you are struggling with fertility issues is you should "just stop thinking about it and it will happen". Well let me tell you something that is the worst advice to ever give someone. Why you may ask? Because every time you walk down the street and see a baby carriage, a pregnant woman, or a toddler with their parents you are reminded that you are on this path. This long lonely path of fertility where everyone judges you, thinks they have the answers, and no one wants to listen to you. When you find yourself standing in a county fair ground parking lot shoving a needle into your stomach hoping this cycle works "just don't think about it" doesn't work.

So when you move to the next step to start your family you already know not thinking about it isn't going to work. You wake up and wonder if there would be a message in the email telling you that you didn't get accepted. Or will there be a message saying they need more paperwork.

The day before we submitted my cousin called to tell me her father had passed away. So I was able to focus on her for a bit but it always sat in the back of my head. The following week my computer at work decided to not work for the week and I sat there with no computer wondering if I had any messages. Well that and if I could survive with out spell check. Then the time came when I figured I would hear something and still no messages. The one thing I am learning is the little control I had doing fertility is way more then I have with adoption!

Then finally while I was in Indiana celebrating one of my cousins marriage the message finally came! Time for the next step, more paperwork, and time to prepare to tell our extended family and loving friends!

The Formal Application

So the first step is the wonderful Formal Application. Luckily today the application is done on line so your not looking at five to ten pages paper that you worry about having to file out multiple times because you mess something up. Instead it is a long scrolling screen on your computer that has a save button because they know it will take you a week to fill out. When I filled out my form to get my FAA Aircraft Mechanics license there were less questions!

Now your asking what would they care to know about on this formal application. Well to start with they want to know who you are, where you live, what religion you are, where you work, when is your birthday, and where you went to school. Basic right. This is what you would think they will ask right? Well it doesn't stop there and the details they need are insane.

So then they go on to ask things like who our parents are and what they do for a living. Then they want to know how many brothers and sisters we each have. Oh it doesn't stop there, then they need to know where we have worked and are currently working. And don't forget they needed to know who is living with us and  don't forget they have to have a full back ground check also!

Of course just when we thought it was filled out there is more wonderful things to answer!!!!!!!

Now lets get personal and ask you about bank accounts, investments, and loans. Did we forget that we need to know all about your health, home, life, and disability insurance......

At this point the scroll thing on the side of the computer is only half way down the page!!!!

Jeff is laying on the sofa and reaching for the t.v. remote to find something to watch. I'm getting stressed at the thought that I may mistype something and in turn ruin our chances to adopt. Can you imagine this is just the first step and I'm already nervous. We know we will make great parents, but we aren't them and they are the only people who can decide if they should entrust us with a child.

So it is back to filling out the second half of the application. We started filling it out on Sunday today is Wednesday and the application is pretty much complete. We are waiting for a few forms that we have to collect and include and the 1st step of the home study will be done. Well the 1st step of the 1st step of the home study!

What is a Home Study?

We understand that most people starting families don't understand what a home study is. Since it is a huge part of the adoption process and can take 6 months to complete it is something that we will be talking about probably until October!

So what is a home study?

According to google definition a Home Study is-an assessment of prospective adoptive parents to see if they are suitable for adopting a child.

Bethany starts their home study with the first appointment that we had. From the moment you walk in they are finding out who you are. So not only do they review with you the process they also start asking questions to find out more about each person. There are many layers to the home study and below I will list them.

1. First meeting-Getting to know you and your history.

2. Formal application-Finding out where you live, who lives with you, if you have kids, where you work, what your finances are like, who is in your family(your parents and siblings), who do you want to use as references, and so much more.

3. Back ground checks, finger printing, and child abuse check. All are done in every state you have lived in.

4. Interviews-At this point each person is interviewed privately. I would love to say what they will ask but I have no clue.

5. Education-As perspective adoptive parents you must get educated. Between on line classes, reading books, and attending adoption seminars there is tons of hours spent educating yourself. Once I know what we will be learning I will keep you posted!

6. Home Inspection- This is when they come into your home a find out if you live is a safe home and see where the baby will sleep. They will review everything with you and be ready for them to say something is wrong!

7. More meetings with your adoption specialist.

As we go through the process we will keep you posted on the different parts of the home study.