Annual Home Study 2020

 

Somethings never change! 

Even in the year of 2020 with life so different our adoption approval has to stay current. Every year until we have a finalized adoption we will need to do the following:

A child-abuse background check

A New Jersey state finger print check for criminal background

An annual physical

A home study

So the first few things are pretty basic in explanation. Each thing that is done is a requirement by the state for somebody to be approved to do adoption. The child abuse background check I believe is a federal check, we fill out paperwork then submit it and the adoption agency gets a report of their findings. Next is the fingerprinting, this is one of the few things that the first state by state on having to be done every year. Of course it’s expensive in New Jersey requires it every year even if we had a placement you have to make sure it’s current at the time of the adoption finalization. And the third thing is an annual physical or really just an annual update that we are still physically capable of becoming adoptive parents. 

Those three things get done every year no matter what and have to be completed and returned to the agency before the actual homestudy visit. Because 2020 is what it is we were smart enough to have the child abuse background check and the fingerprinting done a few months in advance. We knew there was delays with background checks currently in gun licensing and stuff like that so we didn’t wanna take a chance that they wouldn’t get the paperwork back and have to put our adoption journey on hold. Just like many things in life we are best advocates and we stayed on top of it!

Next was the home study visit with our brand new Adoption Specialist aka our social worker. Typically this is a 2 to 3 hour visit to our home that includes a full inspection to make sure our  home is safe, clean, and well-maintained. Then she holds interviews with both of us together and then each individually. Typically this includes a week of cleaning the house it’s already clean because I get nervous with the construction, and it includes Jeff and I fighting because the house is already clean but in my mind it’s not clean enough. Then the stress level goes up because you always worry that they’re going to find something and tell you that they’re going to put your adoption process on hold which we’ve had done when we purchased the house. Our journey all depends on her point of view on us and our home. 

Homestudy in 2020 is all via zoom! So you’re a little more relaxed or at least I was. I was so relaxed then I decided I was going to clean out my bedroom and sort through summer clothes I don’t want any more and start getting the winter stuff out. The day of the home study! Let’s not forget the day before Thanksgiving our smoke alarm went off for no reason and Lowe’s was sold out. You see you have to have functioning smoke detectors to pass a home study, Jeff literally picked up the new smoke detector on Wednesday and installed it 15 minutes before the home study. 

Oh and that bedroom full of clothing guess what! That’s right she had to get a tour of the house to make sure that it’s clean and maintained well. I found that about two hours before the home study when I emailed her to ask her what she’ll need to see during the zoom. Thankfully she is a sweetheart and a realist and understood when I told her you’re just gonna have to ignore the piles of clothes. 

So whether home study is in person or on zoom it is so stressful and it is a constant reminder that pregnancy just won’t happen to for us. Normally it’s a week I don’t talk to many people because I’m dealing with my own emotions and trying to clean a house like a crazy lady. 

So we did our zoom home study and started with our joint interview. During this year’s typical questions on how we’re doing, how we’re holding up during the adoption process, and she reviews our adoption plan to make sure that she knows what we are looking for. Then we did a zoom tour of our house and our property which included the messy bedroom. She has to see the smoke detectors, that we have locks on the front and back doors, that we have a fire extinguisher in the kitchen, and that the guns are locked away and ammunition is kept separately. We had to explain some of the upcoming work we’re doing on the house and guarantee that if we had a placement right away that whatever work we were doing could be sealed up and safe. Of course I kind of hit the messy areas because we have two rooms that are lined up for construction and we don’t show them to anybody.  We then headed outside to show her some of the property and an area we hope to fencing in the future. 

Following the virtual tour she ended our one on one interviews with of us. I don’t know about Jeff but for me it’s a very stressful time because you always wonder what they’re asking the other person and what the other person is saying. You always wonder if somebody says something to you but it says something different to somebody else that’s what goes through my mind this whole time. The benefit of zoom is in our house and you can pretty much here at all over the first floor. And I have to say it was probably one of the best conversations to overhear. To hear Jeff talk about what he expects when we adopt and how he plans to handle night changing and feeding when he gets home from work so that I could sleep really just pulls at the heartstrings. And our adoption specialist was a little surprised that he was still opened about shared responsibility and taking care of the baby at night. I was glad Jeff went first because I was calmer because of listening to him when it was my turn. She has some of the same questions of me and I talked about how my parents were two different shifts so that they could have 24 hour coverage pretty much for us. So for me having Jeff work the shift he work is normal. Then her and I talked about some paperwork they had to get processed and we have to approve for the home study to be finalized.

Before we realized it the whole stressful day was over and we really just vegged out the rest of the day. It’s an annual thing that reminds us that we’re still on this long journey, and that becoming a family for us is just a bit harder then for others.

Adoption Journey Update

 Life can be crazy, stressful, and sometimes happening faster then we want.

Domestic Infant Adoption isn’t like that. 

At least Jeff and I try to make sure it isn’t. 

We control the things we can and put the rest in God’s hands.

Since March private adoptions have been pretty much at a stand still. We can’t control expected mothers deciding during a pandemic to keep their babies, hell we can’t control them normally, would never want to. We had no control over hospitals not allowing private agencies visiting birth mothers who decided at birth to chose adoption. And the hardest things to accept during it was we had no control a change in our agency staffing. We had adjust our thinking while the world shut down that it was time to put adoption in the back of minds and focus on the house. 

So we did just that and finished the nursery. (And I know people think it was wrong. Get over it our life not yours) Then we started on the living room and dining room. First we swapped them so we could bring my piano home. Next my dad and I replaced the front door. Then I painted the living room to a similar color of our family room. Now I’m finishing putting up molding in both rooms and doing touch up paint. One day we will gut the downstairs and have all new floors and a new kitchen, but until that day I am very happy with how it’s going.

This summer we also had the opportunity to host a very special birthday for my mother-in-law. To make sure we had a level place we had a pea gravel patio in. Jeff did an amazing job putting up a retaining wall to make the patio look finished. 

The other changes that happen because of Covid is I was temporarily released from my job. The company I work for depends on the restaurant and hotel industry for sales, we manufacture and sell to those industries. We started noticing in January sales are dropping and as Covid hit the US I can’t say I was surprised when everything started to shut down. I knew it had happen overseas and I knew my job was majorly effected. Sadly I watched as my co-workers were let go in hopes it would only be a short time. Finally there was three of us left in our department, and we had nothing coming in. New Jersey was on complete shut down, New York was on shut down, Disney World was closed, Disneyland was closed, and we knew things were getting a lot worse. The day they let me and my co-worker go was not really a surprise for me. I honestly hated walking out leaving my boss alone to handle everything. She normally was expect to move mountains and I knew now she had to create them too. I hoped to be back in a month or two, made I would be back for my birthday. But as the months passed and things didn’t change I realized I will be home for the long haul. So I sit and wait, drive past my office, wonder how my desk is doing, miss the stress of trying to get as many orders processed as I could, and know that once things pick up I have a job to go back to. 

Meanwhile I knew I didn’t want to do nothing with myself, well other then cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and all the normal house stuff like renovation. So I decided to start my own Mary Kay business. Of course starting a business isn’t free, so we invested in it knowing over the next many months I would pay us back. Instead of taking a loan from a bank I used our savings. We are shooting to be debt free and I was determined to start my new business that way. So I am excited for this new opportunity, but honestly I can’t wait to completely pay our savings back. I love being a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant, the amount of education that they have provided is amazing, and to be associated with a woman empowering company that’s been around for 57 years is incredible. 

Meanwhile Jeff had been working two jobs. He actually started a part time job when I had my Achilles surgery last October. We had planned once I went back to work to use the extra cash to pay off credit cards and finally pay off his car. Then by the summer he would leave Lowe’s and enjoy life again. But he really liked working there and when we spoke about him leaving the concern of Covid came into play so he stayed a little longer than planned. Finally in July his schedule on the railroad started to get filled with overtime and Lowe’s kept adding hours. He was exhausted, and missing life because all he did was work and sleep. Finally I told him I would rather eat noodles for dinner every night, then for him to keep it up. So he left Lowe’s and started to enjoy doing things he hadn’t had the time to do.

Now back to the adoption journey.

This summer we got to meet our new social worker and she is a sweetheart. She has been honest with us about how Covid effected everything but slowly we are seeing a return to the new normal. We are preparing for our annual home visit, and background check. We are being proactive trying to complete paperwork that has to be submitted to the state, since we know everything takes longer now. Finger printing appointments alone are further out then normal. But we know we are our best own advocate when it comes to life so we are keeping focused.

Keep us in our prayers that and adoption placement happened soon and know that we are trucking along on this little journey. 

A Safe Place to Sleep Part 3

 Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.

The renovations of the new nursery was a long process. We had been purchasing things over the years as we waited for the adoption to happen. There are also things I had from years ago I knew I wanted to put in a future nursery. Jeff and I had discussed when we decided to adopt what color we wanted for the nursery. I knew I didn’t want a theme, even though I love lambs I wanted something timeless and classic. So we went off Jeff’s favorite design theme of classic navy and white and started from there. Of course when this all started we lived in a condo with butter cream colored walls and cream carpets, so now that we could do whatever we wanted some ideas changed.

We had already found an inspiration photo of a nursery that we really loved. Then I took that and a piece of artwork I had gotten 20 years ago and started planning the room. The curtains were originally purchased the week we finalized our contract with the adoption agency, and the rocking glider came shortly after. Two key pieces complete. Every piece that was put in this room was hand picked or provided with love.

The first picture is our true starting point. 

The glide we hand picked after many trips to find the right one. It’s a lovely navy blue, it swivels and rocks, and I have already spent hours just sitting and looking out the windows. The quilt my parents had custom made in Lancaster PA by an talented Amish woman. The pillow was a Home Goods find just before COVID shut us down. 

The hassock was from Kohl’s and I removed the hinges so that little ones didn’t get trapped or injured as they explore.

The art work above the chair was given to my by my Aunt Robin in 2000 and I have held it for this perfect moment. I am so glad I got to design around this inspiration piece. 

The side table was purchased a while back on a trip to Lancaster with my parents from our favorite furniture store. I mixed up a combination of stains to create a custom color. On the bottom shelf is our night time feed box with burp cloths, bottles, and other items. On top is a few books and a my favorite nightlight.

Next to the table is the armoire I got from Ikea. This was the last big piece we purchased and I love it. We have a big draw on the bottom that I have blankets in, and plenty of space to hang items in the main part. On top I know have a plant in a beautiful blue pot that matches another one I have in the room.

On the floor we chose a beautiful cream and navy area rug that gives the room a warm and cozy feeling. I believe this was a Wayfair annual sale item.

The next picture is all about cozy sleep and fun storage. 

First is the beautiful crib that my mother-in-law purchased for us. I was so excited to get it from Bed Bath and Beyond using a coupon! 

The art work is done by an amazing water color artist I follow on a Instagram. Tabitha at Fox Hollow Studios is such and amazing artist and her animal water colors were perfect for the room. 

The Lamb mobile was a sweet gift from our friend May.

The crib and shelf are decorated with stuffed animals that we hand picked over the past few years.

The wooden shelves we made specially for that space to display books and toys.

The woods box on the floor is actually on wheels is finished in the custom stain I made for the table. It’s the perfect kid friendly book storage.

Above the crib hangs a beautiful dream catcher custom made by our friend Michaela. 

Can we just take a moment to love the window treatments! I love these curtains more and more each day. We originally purchased one set when we lived in the condo. Then life changed and I prayed they still had them. The are timeless and the perfect design for the room.

The other item I’m in love with is the blackout shades. We got these at Lowe’s and even though they are a 1/2” to small they are wonderful. When I put them up you don’t even know they are there!

  So let’s be honest this changing dresser is a repurchase. The original one was dark wood which would have been perfect in a cream room. But since it was broken during then move I knew I had to replace it. So I ordered it from Wayfair.

The artwork above was all done custom by our friend May, and I made the frames to match the table and book box.

The diaper storage is a box made by my dad and Jeff and the metal containers are a quick find from Wayfair.

Next to the dresser is our dirty diaper pail for all the cloth diapers we will use. It is just a basic white trash pale with a wet clothing bag liner.

The final area to complete was next to the chimney. I knew I wanted to get a spider plant in the room and that space needed a pop of blue. So I went on Amazon and found this pot and a matching one that worked perfect in the room. The spider plant was gifted to me from my friend Diana. I knew that I wanted a macrame plant holder and knew the perfect person to make it. I contacted my friend Mike (Diana’s husband) and asked him to use his talent to bless the room. 

The final thing I needed was area dirty laundry. I didn’t want a traditional basket and found this awesome bag on Kohl’s website. 

And with that our nursery is ready and we waiting for God’s blessing. 

A Safe Place to Sleep Part 2

 The best thing to do first thing in the morning 

is to go back to sleep!

So shortly after my surgery Jeff  put the drywall up behind the radiator. I knew once our HVAC guy came to reinstall it we wouldn’t be able to paint the wall or floor. So poor Jeff had to take paint samples I had and get painting. 

Work on the room at this time slowed down. Jeff was now working part time at Lowe’s and full time on the railroad, and I was recovering from major surgery. I would not be able to go up stairs for two months, forget try to do renovations.

So we finalized paint colors for the walls and floor. I also started researching armoires since the room didn’t have a closet anymore.

Meanwhile while I was starting to walk again, Jeff, my dad, and our nephew Joey started hanging drywall!

Sadly during this time we said goodbye to our Winnie. The loss of her, the addition of our new kitten Qi’ra, and me returning to work made for a lot of late night renovation projects.

Once the drywall was up we contacted our favorite sparkler Bill to come in and work his magic.

There are jobs you can do but having an expert come in and do the work transforms a job. Within a few days he was able to smooth out issues, give us guidance, and seal up all the seams. He was worth every penny.

Finally it was time to start painting. I was finally able to climb ladders, so every night I  could be found painting the walls, ceiling, and preparing the  floors.

We also cleaned and painted the windows. The right before the country shut down we were ready for the lighting to be installed and electrical to be finished.

Finally it was time for detail work. So dad and Jeff handled the cove molding and I handled the baseboard. Together we got the windows and doors framed out.

I always paint the molding before installing. Then I just have to do touch up.

Once all the molding was up it was time to caulk and touch up paint. And then a short break while the floors had time to dry from a final coat of paint.

Stay tuned for Part 3 final decor

A Safe Place to Sleep Part 1

 Sometimes the best things happen because things don’t go well. 

A year ago the plan was to paint the ugly back room and make it the guest room. I spent hours painting the chip board walls and removing the carpet. It was bright and airy, a perfect temporary fix up. Then we discovered that the drop ceiling was hiding the ceiling cave in. So we changed plans and started demolition.

At first we were going to just remove the plaster but we knew there was no insulation in the walls.

So the lath came down and we decided to take out the closet. 

Then we discovered the original wide planked pine floors. So of course if we are gutting the room I wanted to go all the way. So we removed the floors and changed the position of the bedroom door. The molding came down and it was almost time to insulate.

Our time line for the room was three months start to finish. That was changed when we added more demolition to the plan. Not only did it add more work it also removed hundreds of pounds of more waist. So demolition took about two months, then finally it was time to insulate. Since our house was built over 100 years ago it is missing a few modern building requirements. The main one is there is nothing between the siding and the house. No vapor barrier, no plywood, and for sure no insulation. At least now we have insulation in that room!

The best part is when you insulate you can see the post and beam construction shine brightly. We were lucky to get the insulation up before the cold weather happened. Meanwhile we stripped the radiator and painted it with heat resistant paint. But before we moved on to the next step I had my Achilles surgery.

Stay tuned for Part 2 

Well That Flushes!!

From the Start

When we had our home inspection, we were made aware that the second floor kitchen and bathroom needed work. We didn't care because the kitchen will be coming out, and the bathroom needed to be renovated anyway. Home inspectors can't see behind walls, they can only tell you about what they see. Also pipes age differently depending on the type of water you have. We have hard water which means it is full of minerals, and they chemically react to metal pipes. We knew all this, so the plan was we would tackle one bathroom at a time and then finally the kitchen.  The estimated year that this house got running water and functioning bathrooms is 1968 - 1970. That is the back story.....

Here We Are

So about a month or so ago Jeff and I noticed that the carpet in the bathroom was getting wet while we showered. We had changed the shower curtain and rod shortly before that. I also noticed that the weather stripping around the tub was shot. So we picked up from Lowes some flexseal tape and made sure the new curtain wasn't flipping out when we showered. Wet rug kept happening and the smell of mildew was taking over. Next step was for Jeff to remove the rug (the bathrooms and kitchen all had carpeting when we moved in and I have bad allergies so removal is Jeff's lucky job). 

Hoping that the rug was getting wet because of shower run off we set off to stay the course in home repair. Well that was the plan until we showered and the floor became wet, and not just over spray wet but rain puddle wet in the middle of the room! It was time to investigate and determine what was causing our bathroom to be waterfront property. After running a few tests and some investigation it was determined the cold water line probably has a leak that is causing the water to run behind the tub along the floor and in to the room. The flooring is rotting around the tub, and the smell of mildew started to stay. The next step was to find out what was causing the second floor tub to drain so slow.

It was time to call in the professionals and that is when it all came to light on how bad things are. I have to say the benefit of living in such a small county (population wise) is that you find the best companies and they put you before the dollar. The plumber knew the house before he even got hear and let me know that he knew there were some issues from the previous owner. I explained to him what was happening and that we needed to use the upstairs bathroom so we can renovate down stairs. He really did try to make things better without having to give us the bad news. He tried everything he had, but it was inevitable that it was a bigger job then I expected.

So here is what is happening. All the pipes in the house are original to when they installed plumbing as previously stated. The copper feed lines are starting to get pin holes in them as proven in the downstairs bathroom and the kitchen sink. Since I want to move plumbing around to make the downstairs shower more usable, and we have to move plumbing in the second floor bathroom to create the new floor plan we will need to replace all the lines. That wouldn't be bad if we could do it room by room, BUT once you mess with one line the others will weaken and cause issues. SO instead we need to do all the feed lines at once.

Of course the waste lines don't want to be left out and the old cast iron pipes are starting to show signs a leakage. FUN! The good thing is the pipe above I wanted to be moved anyway. See I found a bright side to this! But since we have to replace the waste lines that means we have to replace all the way out to septic!!!! Oh the joys of owning an old farmhouse! 

So what does this mean for us and the adoption? 

So once we decide it is time to move forward we will have to do both bathrooms at the same time. Since the state requires running water and functioning bathrooms (which we have currently just a little slow) the adoption will have to be put on hold. We are now 3 1/2 years active with our adoption search, I don't want to put anything on hold. So we have a plan, let me correct that we have an idea of how to move forward. 

Where has our agency been during all this you ask? 

So Covid happened as you are all aware and it has caused our agency to pretty much go on a pause. Since they aren't allowed in hospitals to work with birthmothers who want to do adoption, and those who would normal seek the agency out during pregnancy are stuck at home, nothing has happened. Its been a scary time as we watch months pass by with nothing happening. We know God has a plan and I believe its time we do more of the work ourselves.

So what is the next step?

First it requires the help from all the people we know. YES each and everyone of you gets to step up and take part in our journey. In the next few weeks, with the help from an amazing friend we will be creating a new adoption profile video. Once it is completed we are going to ask everyone to share it. Help us get our faces out there. You never know who may have an unexpected pregnancy or know someone who does. With your help and the help of everyone you know we hope to get our story spread out across the country.

Meanwhile we will keep doing all we can here at Winnie Dog Farm to prepare the house for the adoption, renovations, and of course annual home study. We will continue our education classes required for the adoption, hope the agency is able to get more active, and share with all of you our progress. So stay tuned for more information, and thank  you for supporting us on this adoption journey.

Adoption Wait VS. Quarentine

How are you handling quarantine?

Do you notice your friend who have 

adopted or done fertility treatments seem so much calmer?

Well welcome to our world of waiting for 

someone else to tell you: Your life can continue. 

Your world is frozen in time, it seems like nothing is happening 

then you look outside and the grass is growing.

Just when you have excepted this fate the beaches open in the south. The first thing that pops in your mind is "are you kidding they are so not ready for that phase" "They have no idea what they are doing". Just like in fertility/adoption when someone you didn't expect to get pregnant does and the shock hits you that it's not you.

You wait for that day to go back to normal. 
But you can't go back because things have changed yet your excited to see what the future brings.

Quarantine is like fertility and adoption journies.

1. Quarantine - life seemed to be going great and then the bottom fell out from you and the goverment is now telling you when it will be safe to leave your home.

Adoption & Fertility - Yup your moving forward with life plans and now its time to start a family. Bam it's not that easy and now you have to put your trust in strangers!

2. Quarantine - Your trapped in your house, maybe your like Jeff and get to escape to work but you have no control of who you see or when.

Adoption & Fertility - Your trapped in this private world only you, your spouse/partner and the drs/social worker know about. You can't change what is happening.

3. Quarantine - You tune into the news to see when it will be safe to go back to school and work. 

Fertility - You wait for that phone call that you are ready for the next step towards getting pregnant.

Adoption - You check your email multiple times of day waiting to see if you can have your profile shown.

4. Quarantine - Your hopes are dashed when they annouce 4 more weeks until a decision.

Fertility - Either your not ready for the next step 
or sorry the test is negative.

Adoption - Your profile wasn't picked or 
the birth mother decided to parent.

5. Quarantine - The goverment rolls out a return to life plan.

Fertility - Your pregnant but you still need to shoot needles in your ass to make sure you don't lose the baby......

Adoption - Your profile has been picked now you sit and wait.

9 Years and Counting

11 years committed to each other

10 years since he asked me to marry him

9 years we have been united as one

Our journey started in 1986 when Jeff and I met.

He was a 13 year old boy from the other side of the tracks and I was a 9 year old with a crush on him.

That year I discovered Ozzy Osbourne and 

the Mets won the World Series.

That summer I told my mom I would marry him one day, little did I know that would be true.

Through the years we would run into each other. 

He lived his life and I live my life. 

We never forgot about each other, 

God made sure of that because he had a plan.

We grew, matured, and bettered ourselves. 

We had also both given up on finding love, 

happily living the single life.

Then 11 years ago he showed up again.

This time though things were different. 

This time we took a chance on following our hearts. 

We had our first date on a late snowy 

Tuesday night in January of 2009. 

It was a simple meet up at Yetter's diner. 

By that June Jeff had moved in with me.

Life was moving forward and we had started talking about getting married and having a family. 

We were engaged just before our 1 year anniversary.

We moved to Sussex County to start our life 

together in a cute little lake house. 

We were excited to start planning the wedding.

That December our world stopped when Jeff was rushed from a Nucellar Stress test to Morristown Hospital. 

That night he had two stents put in due to a 

99.9% blockage in his heart. 

The doctor was amazed he was alive. 

I am forever grateful for them.

2011 finally arrived and time for wedding. 

Sadly I lost my job shortly after the new year and I had to say goodbye to the many friends I had made. 

Jeff was still out on disability and we had to decided what to do about the wedding. 

We had almost everything figured out 

and planned so we chose to move forward. 

My bridal party hosted a wonderful shower for me. 

We had a wonderful day surrounded by love. 

During  all this we were trying to get pregnant. 

Jeff had hoped to announce at the wedding we were pregnant but that didn't happen. 

We had an early miscarriage that we kept private. 

I only knew I was pregnant because we were already tracking and testing ovulation at that point. 

We moved forward figuring the stress of everything wasn't helping and it would happen soon.

On April 1, 2011 surrounded by our family and friends we were joined together in the eye of God. 

Forever stuck with each other! 

Neither of us would change it!

We were very lucky to have amazing role models of what marriage is in our lives. 

We didn't know what the road ahead would hold, 

how hard fertility would effect us, 

and how alone we would feel. 

I know God has amazing things for us ahead and I am so glad that I'm on this journey with Jeff.