Cuts Like A Knife

10 Months!

Time truly does fly by. I can't believe we are already at 10 months of waiting for our sweet blessing. So much has changed in our lives this year in small and big ways. We believe that God has us on a path to prepare for our future, much like those who go threw pregnancy.

There are many differences that many adoptive parents go through that they don't speak about. Things that are so personal that many of us are unable to explain the emotions they bring.

One is the mourning period that unsuccessful fertility treatments brings you into. It is a month by month roller coaster of ups and downs each time ending in mourning. Of course the realization that we will never have a biological child is different for each of us. I have friends who found out at a young age they would never birth children, others experience it after years of struggles, for each of us it is a very personal experience. This loss is one that no one is prepared for. 

For woman its not just the fact that the child God has planned for them won't share their DNA, but it is also the entire loss of the pregnancy experience. We will never take that test that tells us we are pregnant, we will never lay down for an ultra sound, and we will never feel our baby inside our bellies. We mourn these losses, we cry, we get angry, we hurt. I can tell you we don't move forward until we have started to heal from that loss. We haven't chosen adoption as a fill in because no matter how God sends us a child, they are ours. 

For men the process can be unique in just as many ways. The explore emotions they may have never know they had, trying to figure out what this news means to them. Men look at families very differently then women but they too have to mourn the loss. They also have to navigate a path of their wives emotions that she is more then likely keeping from her closes family and friends. Men have a tendency to want to fix things, they stay strong and at times forget to deal with it themselves. It is such a personal experiences many couples don't even discuss it. The divorce rate is leaps and bounds higher for couples who face fertility challenges then those who don't. Jeff and I are lucky we found ways to draw closer to each other, be open about our feelings, and know that God was in control.

We understand that even those closest to us will never understand. Even those who have traveled this same journey or similar ones will never understand ours. They are each so personal, and the paths we take moving forward are a reflection of that. We look forward to welcoming our future blessing into our family and know adoption is the amazing path we were meant to be on.