Common Terms Used for Adoption

Below is a list of some of the common terms used in adoption. If I ever use a term that you are unsure of please pose a question in the comments.

Adoptee: person who has been adopted.

Adoption: a legal and social process involving the transfer of parental rights from a child’s birth parents to his adoptive parents.

Adoption Agency: state-licensed organization that facilitates the placing of children with prospective adoptive individuals or families.

Adoption Agreement: document signed by birth parents and adoptive parents that outlines the frequency and level of contact between them after the adoption takes place.

Adoption Decree: court document issued to the adoptive parents after an adoption has been finalized.

Adoption Facilitator: individual who helps match prospective birth parents and adoptive parents.

Adoption Match: process in which adoptive parents connect with prospective parent(s).

Adoption Plan: legally non-binding arrangement between birth parents and adoptive parents regarding the placement and rearing of their child.

Adoptive Parent: person who legally assumes responsibilities of parenting an adopted child

Adoption Profile: autobiographical letter created by hopeful adoptive parents for prospective birthparents.

Adoption Professional: individual providing adoption services.

Adoption Records: legal documents pertaining to an adoption.

Adoption Triad: three parties involved in an adoption relationship — birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents.

Amended Birth Certificate: birth certificate issued to the adoptive parents after an adoption is finalized.

Biracial: person whose parents are of different races. Birthfather: biological father of the child placed for adoption.

Birthmother: biological mother of the child placed for adoption.

Closed Adoption: adoption in which the adoptive parents and the birth parents have no identifying information about each other or ongoing contact.

Consent Form: legal document signed by birth parents that terminates their rights over their child and transfer them to the adoptive parents

Criminal Clearance: process used by police or FBI to determine whether the waiting parent has a criminal record.

Disrupted Adoption: adoption that fails before finalization.

Facilitator: individuals who helps match prospective birth parents and adoptive parents

Finalization: legal procedure granting the adoptive parent(s) permission to adopt.

Hopeful Adoptive Parents: individuals or couple that has been approved to adopt but have not had a child placed with them.

Identifying Information: information about adoptive parents or birth parents such as full names and addresses.

Infertility: inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term.

Networking: outreach efforts by waiting parents to spread the word about their desire to adopt.

Open Adoption: adoption where birthparents and adoptive parents exchange identifying information and keep in touch after the adoption.

Open Records: accessibility to adoption records. Placement: relocation of a child into a foster or adoptive home.

Private Adoption: adoption arranged through a privately-funded licensed agency.

Private Adoption Agency: non-government stage-licensed agency that arrange adoptions.
Special Needs Child: child who may be physically, mentally and emotionally challenged.

Relinquishment Papers: legal documents that terminate birth parents legal rights to their child and transfers them to the adoptive parent(s).

Waiting Parent: another term for hopeful adoptive parents.

Book, books and more books

Who would think the Jeff and I would decide to read more then the required reading?!?

When we received our envelope the one thing it included was the list of books. There was a total of seven books we could pick from but our social worker marked four she recommended. One book she required so that was given. The other three we could chose which two we wanted to read. Well being the over achievers we are Jeff and I opted to go with all the ones our social worker recommended!

Jeff's first choice in books to read happens to be the one that is required reading.

The Connected Child

Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption  this book will help us with 3 things:

1. Build bonds of affection and trust with our future child.

2. Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorder.

3. Discipline our child with love without making him or her feel threatened.

My first choice in books to read is

Inside Transracial Adoption

Written by two adoption experts who also happen to be mother of adoptive children of different race and multicultural families. The book is a guide to navigating the challenges that white adoptive parents face when adopting a child of a different race or culture. We will learn that we will not understand all the challenges a child of a different race will face and how to provide a support system for them. We will also learn how to embrace their history and make ours culture just as important.

Now on to the future reading options that we have!

The Open Adoption Experience

Once again written by two adoption experts who have adopted children and help future parents with training and guidance in the open adoption experience. This book will help us understand and navigate the path of open adoption not only before and during the adoption process but also as our child reaches different stages in life. Pretty much this will be a road map to understanding it all!

Raising Adopted Children

Written by one of the authors of The Open Adoption Experience for this book she drew on the latest research in psychology, sociology, and medicine to guide parents through all stages of their child's development. She also writes about the pressing adoption issues of today including open adoption and transracial adoption. There are also answers to many of the most frequently asked questions adoptive parents have such as "When and how should I tell my child they are adopted".

None of these books are small and Jeff and I plan to make sure we take our time to understand each one. The benefit is we will be discussing them with our social worker and we own them now so as we move forward in this journey we will be able to go back and read them!

Telling the Families!

--May 16-21--

So how do you announce to your families that you going through this process? What about when the live overseas and in a total of 9 different states?

You go away on your 5th Anniversary trip and get Mickey Mouse Ears that are custom made with Adopting on them! Then you walk around taking pictures of the ears and getting your picture taken with the ears!

Then you realize that by the time you get the pictures taken you look a hot mess!

And even though some came out really cute we knew we had time to design our announcement.

So when we got home Jeff and I agreed that we didn't want to tell anyone else until we got that famous envelope. Then we would tell our families with a post card we could custom design.

Sorry the pictures aren't clear I will try to update them!

So once we got the envelope we finalized our design and ordered the very special post cards! Once we got them I spent the weekend addressing and stamping them all.

So how do you make sure everyone gets notified around the same time? Timing! First went out the international pile. Small but first to go. Then you wait. And keep waiting. Okay out of states can go out! Finally on Saturday you mail out the Jersey pile because going over the weekend should help with making sure everyone finds out within a day of each other!

We are so excited to share this news with our families. We have waited a long time to be able to get all silly and have some type of announcements and going Disney just fit!

The Envelope Part II

So as I had mentioned in the last post the envelope was full of papers. The second pile is all the things Jeff and I have to deal with and Vickie is blessed to not be a part of. Does this mean she is done no but for now she can relax.

So what does the second pile consist of? Oh piles and piles of papers for us to fill out. To start with we have all the legal forms. These forms are all the ones that protect us the adoptive parents, them the agency, and also the expecting parents (birthparents) & the future child. We are not surprised by the legal forms actually we expected to be signing our lives away. So below I will list and give a brief description.

1. Policy Birthparents Assistance- This form explains the policy that the agency has with the birthparents on financial assistance. NJ State Law is very strict on what can and can not be paid for and this pretty much explains what the agency can and can't' pay for and who makes the determination on what is covered. None of this comes from us the adoptive parents.
2. Adoption Release and Consent Form- In this form we state that we are interested in coming into contract with the agency and that we understand the impact adoption will have on us emotionally and financially.
3. Information to Parents and Adoptive Applicants- This is the form that states the laws about what NJ requires the agency to provide to us and the birthparents.
4. Client Grievance Procedure- Pretty straight forward this tells us what happens if we are unhappy with a decision and what we can do about it!
5. Notice of Privacy Practices for Client Confidential Information- Think of this like your HHIPA form you sign at the doctors.
6. Parental Discipline Policy- In this packet it states that the agency doesn't condone child abuse and what NJ considers abuse. If at any point between now and the final home inspection we show signs of abuse we know we will lose custody.
7. Post-Placement Agreement- The final legal form is were we agree that we will follow the law of having the state required amount of home study visits once placement has happen before the final court appearance to complete the adoption.

The next grouping of papers I would like to call the who are we, who influenced us, and who will influence our child. This is the packet that helps our social worker learn all about us, our family, and our friends. Once again I'm going to list it!

• Guardianship Plans- We have to decide now who will take custody of our child and we have to follow their requirements in picking. Why because they want to know that if something happens to us our child will be with people who are happy, healthy and able to take care of them.
• Autobiography- Yes we have to write a report about ourselves. It has to talk about our childhood, our families, and our friends. We also have to talk about our lives now and that wonderful person we are on this journey with.
• Self Study- We get to talk more about ourselves! This is a 5 page packet that full of questions about personality, childhood, marriage, and our future child.
• Family History- This is when they get to find out about our parents and siblings. We have to talk medical and brief family overviews.
• Adoptive Family and Wants- this is a big packet were our Winnie finally comes up. There is also the service plan where we answer questions on what we are looking for in a birthparent and child. The list of questions is long but things like family medical history of the birthparents are included and what gender we want. (we want a baby any gender any race).
• Certificate of Financial Statement- Pretty much they want to know what we are worth. Its very simple how much money do we have, what do we make, and what do we have in assets.

The final form is the first of our education requirements. This is the preparation of families adopting domestic children. What is that you ask? Its a list of books that they want to chose from. Our Social worker check 4 books to chose from one being required. In total we have to read 3 books and have discussions with her about all of them. Jeff and I have chosen to read all 4 books that she suggests because we found all of them interesting. I will blog about the books in the future. But for now I must go and work on the piles. Bye!

The Envelope

-May 12-

So we knew the envelope was going to have paperwork for us to fill out. Little did we know that it was going to have so much paperwork in it. Think of it as more Harry Potter then Cat in Hat amount of pages. It just doesn't seem to end!

The first pile of papers include everything that my poor niece has to take part in. When your adopting every person in the house has to be involved. So since she currently has bedroom here she gets to be a part of it! So the first pile starts with a form we had to fill out and mail back to have a background child abuse check done. Then there was the drivers abstract that we each had to get from Motor Vehicles.

As anyone in Jersey knows the thought of having to go to one of regional offices such as Wayne would make any person rethink adoption. Of course you could fill out an online form but for that you have to send away for a pin. So off I went after work on a Monday to the best DMV office in New Jersey the Newton location! I expected to be told I would have to head out of county and wait hour upon hour to get what I needed. I played it over and over in my head explaining to Vickie and Jeff how they would have to give up a day in their life to go to Wayne and deal with DMV. Then the miracle happen and the cop behind the counter asked the boss what window to send me to and with in 15 minutes I was done! I figured I spent $1 per minute to get the abstract! So I informed Jeff and texted Vickie that they could go to Newton to get it done. So with $15 person they both were able to stay locale and get it done! Just ask Vickie how great it was.

Next is finger prints! For this we had to go online and make appointments to go to get electronic finger prints done. The cost $56 per person! Of course we lucked out again and were able to schedule appointments in Sparta. I'll keep you posted if anything strange happens when we go. It takes a least a week to get the appointment.

The final form that Vickie gets to take part in is our medical release form. This is probably the easiest form for us. We really don't do anything other then sign the release part and drop it off at the doctors. Of course as a controlling person it makes me worry the most. How do I know the doctor will make sure it is filled out completely and sent out. I can't but I do know my doctor and his nurse and have trust in them. So I will drop off the forms and forget about them so that I don't worry.

More info coming on the rest of the piles.........

Submitting the Formal Application

April 26, 2016- So we finally finished the formal applications and double checked it. We also had to provide some additional papers to support the application. So pretty much we well really I was stressed when I pressed the submit button. I thought I would be able to do as Disney has taught us and Let It Go but no I couldn't.

One thing you hear a lot of when you are struggling with fertility issues is you should "just stop thinking about it and it will happen". Well let me tell you something that is the worst advice to ever give someone. Why you may ask? Because every time you walk down the street and see a baby carriage, a pregnant woman, or a toddler with their parents you are reminded that you are on this path. This long lonely path of fertility where everyone judges you, thinks they have the answers, and no one wants to listen to you. When you find yourself standing in a county fair ground parking lot shoving a needle into your stomach hoping this cycle works "just don't think about it" doesn't work.

So when you move to the next step to start your family you already know not thinking about it isn't going to work. You wake up and wonder if there would be a message in the email telling you that you didn't get accepted. Or will there be a message saying they need more paperwork.

The day before we submitted my cousin called to tell me her father had passed away. So I was able to focus on her for a bit but it always sat in the back of my head. The following week my computer at work decided to not work for the week and I sat there with no computer wondering if I had any messages. Well that and if I could survive with out spell check. Then the time came when I figured I would hear something and still no messages. The one thing I am learning is the little control I had doing fertility is way more then I have with adoption!

Then finally while I was in Indiana celebrating one of my cousins marriage the message finally came! Time for the next step, more paperwork, and time to prepare to tell our extended family and loving friends!