Unexpected Changes

Month 5 and why I missed month 4

"It's the unexpected that changes our lives."

Before I get into all the drama of May look it's my beloved rocker! Well that and our crib quilt, ottoman/storage, and some very special friends. The bunny is really mine but he is keeping the other guys company while they wait.

Now onto the drama of May.

Adoption can be one of the most stressful times in your life. You have no control over it, and in turn little control over other things in your life. The one thing I had control of was our finances. Every month I had detailed plans of every penny that came in. I knew what bills had to be paid, how much had to go to savings for the adoption, what we could spend on getting those items for the future, and finally money for us to enjoy life. Jeff and I were excited because we were getting close to having the money needed to do all the steps of the adoption. In my head I knew I would need to have about ten thousand more then that incase we got twins but we were at least good for a single baby. The other thing we were starting to talk about was where do we want to buy a house. Since we know we can't leave the state until we are done with the adoption we figured we would start checking out the area. Oh and the first earth shattering thing that came up. Jeff wants to go to Disney during hunting season so we can experience  the Christmas wonder. Things were going good for us. Even though I was on the emotional roller coaster of adoption we were happy with life.

Then it happened. On a Sunday after church I was notified I no longer had a job. I'm not going to vent about the people I use to work for. What I am going to do is talk about how this effects us know.

You see when you are going through adoption the fact of not knowing when it is going to happen makes you stressed. On top of that trying to find a job, where you don't know how they will react to your pending adoption is a nightmare. If I was pregnant I could easily say well I'm due in a few months so I will be taking time off or I'll wait until the baby is born to find a job. But with adoption it could happen tomorrow or a year from now. So how do you approach telling a future job that your life is not in your control. I have spent many sleepless nights worrying about this. I was so stress that my loving husband got me a plane ticket and sent me to Florida for a week. I guess he figured the time away would help me relax and come back with a plan. Yeah I still don't have one, but I am sending out resumes and I guess we will figure it out.

The other thing that is effected by me losing my job is the fun baby shopping. We haven't done much since we don't know when it will happen, or if it will be a boy or girl. But part of the process we have enjoyed is picking up things as we go. It makes it feel real, makes us feel like expecting parents, and well it's so cute! We have almost all the money for a single baby adoption in our savings, and if we get twins we will figure it out. 

Then there is the one thing that we had to decided very quickly. Every time something happens in our life we have to notify the agency. When we sent them the notice that I had lost my job, they needed to know if we wanted to put the adoption on hold. The emotions that happened when I was reading that hit me like a wave. After years of negative pregnancy tests, unsuccessful fertility treatments, and delays because of money the fear all come rushing back to me. I was horrified, I was scared, I was at that moment ready to give up and adopt 100 puppies. I was done with that part of my life already being on hold, and to think that something I had no control of could cause it to be even more delayed killed me. But they have to give you the options to start a new job and get settled in if you feel the need to. I knew at that moment that if we put it on hold I would be done emotionally. Jeff knew at that moment that it wasn't an option for him either. We have come this far and don't want to delay any more.

So here we now sit in our 5th month of wait, I am unemployed waiting to see if I will get unemployment pay and looking for a new job. Jeff is working getting ready to work non stop as his partner at work retires. And Winnie is loving having me home, a lap to lay on, and someone to go on walks with. God has a plan for us and I am hoping that maybe this means that baby he has planned for us is coming sooner then later.