2nd & 3rd Meetings

So my plan was to have pictures to accompany all my posts but I'm excited to say things are happening fast! Of course the home study portion is all about hurry up and wait. We have 6 months to complete the home study and once it is done we going into a holding pattern. The sooner we finish the home study the sooner our profile is available for the expected parents to see.

So on my birthday we had our 2nd meeting. I worked a half day and then Jeff and I headed to Bergen County to meet with our social worker. This meeting was all about reviewing the stack of paperwork and going over what was missing. Of course our back ground checks through the state still hadn't returned and a few more papers were needed to be filled out. We were very excited to receive the forms on how to set up our profile book. We knew this would happen but to have it happen so fast made us excited. So we headed out from our meeting ready to celebrate my birthday.

Our third meeting was our one on one interviews. This would also be our last meeting in Bergen County during the home study. It was scheduled for two weeks after the last meeting but at the last minute it was delayed a week. Once again I worked a half day before we headed down. We knew that each of us would meet with our social worker for at least 45 minutes privately so we brought our books with us. Our one on ones was all about finding out about our childhoods, families, and our marriage. Even though we had both wrote autobiographies she still asked questions. I have to admit it was easier to talk about it then write about it. We did find out that the state back ground checks still hadn't been returned so that is the only thing delaying us. Since she isn't worried about that because we had such great letters of recommendations she was ready to schedule our home inspection!

So we left with two weeks to be ready for her to come to our home. She looks forward to meeting Vickie and finally have a chance to talk to her. We will also have to have our profile ready for her to review so that it can be sent to print!

Wish us luck as we get ready to finish the home study! 

Baby Care Workshop

This is our baby!

Jeff and I got to take our first workshop!

During this great workshop you had 6 couples and a wonderful nurse sitting in a small office with very little air conditioning. Oh and it was for 3 hours! We learned what many would expect to learn at a baby care class like swaddling, feeding, and car seats.

Yet before we got to the fun stuff like how to burp a baby and how to expect to never sleep again we had the adoption section of new baby. This was the section that isn't talked about much and people who don't adopt never think about. When your adopting you spend so much time planning to brig the baby home that you never think about what happens when the baby is born. Since Jeff nor I will be the one going through labor and pushing the baby out we won't be the ones making those first decisions. We will not be the ones who the baby is handed to or the ones who will have the matching wrist bands. If we are even invited to the hospital we will be just guests. This first part was the realty that I personally was not wanting to think about. This is the expected parents time to make sure adoption is what they want to do. This is the time I don't want to get to attached but at the same time want to be part of. The class helped me understand the different things that will happen and how it truly varies from hospital to hospital. It has helped me truly want to go with the flow so that the expected parents have their time to say goodbye.

The next part was the 2nd fact of adoption. Travel! Since the probability of our child being born locally is like 1% we have to be prepared to travel. It could be an hour away or many hours away. We also have to be ready to stay in a hotel for a week or more while the paperwork is processed. If our future child is born in a different state the process to come home is a bit longer. There are laws to protect babies from being sold and we have to make sure our paper work is done before crossing state lines. We also learned about bonding with baby and how the baby may not want to be held. Most people don't realize that a new born already knows their birth mothers voice and the smells of the hospital is their normal. When your adopting an infant those sounds and smells are taken from them so it is important to understand bonding will take a bit longer then normal.

The final part was the normal baby care many would expect. We learned about the different ways to hold a baby while burping, the different ways to warm a bottle, and how to bath a baby. We also learned about car seats and swaddling. The wonderful nurse reassured us that even those babies are cute there will be times we need to hand the baby off and walk away. Sleep will be a blessing and everyone has their specialty when dealing with the new family member.

We were sent home with a packet of papers including care seat check list, vaccination information, and how to bond with baby. My favorite sheet is the shopping list. The this is real and these are the things you will need when baby is born shopping list. That one sheet makes me feel no different then any one of my friends and family members who have been pregnant. It is my happy I'm so excited list. This was our first OMG this is for real class. It was the first step for us to feel like expecting parents and we loved every moment of it.

Folder

We are excited and relieved to have finished all the piles of paperwork!!! Well almost all the paperwork...

We completed 99.9% of the paperwork. Still being worked on is the auto biographies we are each required to complete. We also are currently reading the books that are required. So as of now we have completed enough stuff to move forward with the second meeting. When is that second meeting? It just happens to be scheduled for my birthday! What a great gift for me to be able to work towards starting our family on my 40th birthday!

Jeff and I are so excited that we moving so smoothly through the home study. Knowing that we are one step closed to finishing our home study is so exciting. We like to compare it to being about 4 months pregnant. The time when your family knows your expecting but it's still to soon to start shopping!

So until the next blog I hope everyone has a blessed day and enjoy sharing in our excitement!

Cleaning

As many people know one of the big things in adoption is the home study. Of course as I have mentioned in earlier posts there is more to a home study then the actually inspection of the home but there is an inspection at the end. Since Jeff and I have lived in our home for 5 years now things have collected and dust is a major collections!

So we cleaned. Well in the process of cleaning. Everything! Everywhere! And purged!! First we worked in our office aka the half the kitchen. This area tends to collect a lot for the simple fact that our heavy trash and recycling gets put there. Also any hunting and fishing equipment that hasn't been put away yet ends up in front of the desk. So we dedicated one full day to just cleaning that. Mind you we moved all the furniture, mopped the floor, and reorganized the room.

Then we rearranged the living room. Well I rearrange the living room twice a year so this year I happened to have help. Later that night I did the dinning room by myself. Fear of breaking the glass in my china cabinet kept me from moving it but I did my best to dust behind it. I know they aren't going to look behind the furniture but as a girl with a dust mite allergy I prefer to get rid of all the dust! Mind you Jeff and I have 24 hours off at the same time! Of that 24 hours one or both of us are asleep for 12 -16 hours and I have church. So doing spring cleaning like this takes multiple Sundays. One per room is our average but during that we are still trying to have a social life, do the adoption paperwork, read the books require, start taking classes, and oh yeah spend time together to make sure we keep focused on our marriage. Maybe it's good adoption is costing us so much money because we are so busy we don't realize we have no money!!

Then came Memorial Day Weekend! Most people get all excited about going to the beach, going to BBQ's, and visiting family. Jeff and I tackled our bedroom. A room that hasn't been rearranged ever! Other then cleaning what I could get to quickly between sleep schedules the bedroom hadn't had a good cleaning in a year. Plus all the furniture in our bedroom is heavy! So instead of spending time with family or spending the day at the range shooting we cleaned. Again. Jeff had worked over time that weekend so he wasn't 100% and I was moody from missing out on a get together to clean. But we cleaned and cleaned and Jeff moved furniture and we cleaned again.

Then when we were done the room felt empty! Why empty you ask? During all the cleaning Jeff and I have decided that Winnie didn't need the kennel anymore. So after 5 years her kennel has left the room. So as we prepared to move one baby into our bedroom we had to accept that our first baby isn't so little anymore. So as we prepare for parenthood in this private, lonely way our emotions range. Many people don't understand, many don't care, but we clean and we get ready to be parents. Please understand during this time we aren't being anti-social, we are cleaning and we are adoption poor. And even though we may have our moments were we wish we could go and do whatever both of us know there isn't anything else we would rather do then prepare for our future. 

Medical Forms and Finger Prints!

Two of the forms that came in our home study packet are the medical form and the finger prints. Both require little of us other then showing up and doing as we are told.

The medical forms was pretty easy. We are blessed with a wonderful nurse Nicole and a great doctor we call Dr. D. Since Nicole had been informed ahead of time that we were pursuing adoption she was not surprised when I showed up with the forms. After we reviewed them together she recommended that Jeff and I make a joint appointment and come in to see Dr. D. Quick and easy we had our appointment for the next week. On the day of the appointment we reviewed our records, got our Tuberculosis test, and then it was time to have our drug test. Dr. D is a great guy with huge smile and always a sly comment so when he made a joke about hoping we passed the test we were not surprised. What did surprise us was when we left the exam room to go to the nursing station Nicole made the same joke word for word. Three days later we returned to have the tuberculosis test checked and have Dr. D joke with us that he was disappointed that we passed the drug test. Always joking but also so happy for us as we go on this great journey.

The second thing that had to be done was get our finger prints done. The new modern way of doing it is to make an appointment with a private company that the state uses and go have computer scanned finger prints done. It's not a cheap process costing us $56 a person and included Vickie. She had been through this for her job so she was a pro and had it scheduled and done with no issues. I on the other hand was over stressed and had so many dates in my head that I mess ours up. I had made the original appointments wrote everything on the form down and told Jeff the wrong day. Yes we showed up 1 day late! So I had to go home, go online make a new appointment and pay again! Finally today we had our appointment and got our finger prints done. Its pretty simple with the new system because there is no ink involved just a scanner, computer, and finger printing expert. Of course if the computer doesn't like the way the scan comes through you have to keep doing it. I was told I have awesome fingers for printing because the computer took everyone on the first time! Jeff well his thumbs and the computer didn't agree! But we were finished in ten minutes and out the door. The picture above is the hail we encountered on the way home from the finger printing office. IT'S JUNE!

Common Terms Used for Adoption

Below is a list of some of the common terms used in adoption. If I ever use a term that you are unsure of please pose a question in the comments.

Adoptee: person who has been adopted.

Adoption: a legal and social process involving the transfer of parental rights from a child’s birth parents to his adoptive parents.

Adoption Agency: state-licensed organization that facilitates the placing of children with prospective adoptive individuals or families.

Adoption Agreement: document signed by birth parents and adoptive parents that outlines the frequency and level of contact between them after the adoption takes place.

Adoption Decree: court document issued to the adoptive parents after an adoption has been finalized.

Adoption Facilitator: individual who helps match prospective birth parents and adoptive parents.

Adoption Match: process in which adoptive parents connect with prospective parent(s).

Adoption Plan: legally non-binding arrangement between birth parents and adoptive parents regarding the placement and rearing of their child.

Adoptive Parent: person who legally assumes responsibilities of parenting an adopted child

Adoption Profile: autobiographical letter created by hopeful adoptive parents for prospective birthparents.

Adoption Professional: individual providing adoption services.

Adoption Records: legal documents pertaining to an adoption.

Adoption Triad: three parties involved in an adoption relationship — birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents.

Amended Birth Certificate: birth certificate issued to the adoptive parents after an adoption is finalized.

Biracial: person whose parents are of different races. Birthfather: biological father of the child placed for adoption.

Birthmother: biological mother of the child placed for adoption.

Closed Adoption: adoption in which the adoptive parents and the birth parents have no identifying information about each other or ongoing contact.

Consent Form: legal document signed by birth parents that terminates their rights over their child and transfer them to the adoptive parents

Criminal Clearance: process used by police or FBI to determine whether the waiting parent has a criminal record.

Disrupted Adoption: adoption that fails before finalization.

Facilitator: individuals who helps match prospective birth parents and adoptive parents

Finalization: legal procedure granting the adoptive parent(s) permission to adopt.

Hopeful Adoptive Parents: individuals or couple that has been approved to adopt but have not had a child placed with them.

Identifying Information: information about adoptive parents or birth parents such as full names and addresses.

Infertility: inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term.

Networking: outreach efforts by waiting parents to spread the word about their desire to adopt.

Open Adoption: adoption where birthparents and adoptive parents exchange identifying information and keep in touch after the adoption.

Open Records: accessibility to adoption records. Placement: relocation of a child into a foster or adoptive home.

Private Adoption: adoption arranged through a privately-funded licensed agency.

Private Adoption Agency: non-government stage-licensed agency that arrange adoptions.
Special Needs Child: child who may be physically, mentally and emotionally challenged.

Relinquishment Papers: legal documents that terminate birth parents legal rights to their child and transfers them to the adoptive parent(s).

Waiting Parent: another term for hopeful adoptive parents.

Book, books and more books

Who would think the Jeff and I would decide to read more then the required reading?!?

When we received our envelope the one thing it included was the list of books. There was a total of seven books we could pick from but our social worker marked four she recommended. One book she required so that was given. The other three we could chose which two we wanted to read. Well being the over achievers we are Jeff and I opted to go with all the ones our social worker recommended!

Jeff's first choice in books to read happens to be the one that is required reading.

The Connected Child

Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption  this book will help us with 3 things:

1. Build bonds of affection and trust with our future child.

2. Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorder.

3. Discipline our child with love without making him or her feel threatened.

My first choice in books to read is

Inside Transracial Adoption

Written by two adoption experts who also happen to be mother of adoptive children of different race and multicultural families. The book is a guide to navigating the challenges that white adoptive parents face when adopting a child of a different race or culture. We will learn that we will not understand all the challenges a child of a different race will face and how to provide a support system for them. We will also learn how to embrace their history and make ours culture just as important.

Now on to the future reading options that we have!

The Open Adoption Experience

Once again written by two adoption experts who have adopted children and help future parents with training and guidance in the open adoption experience. This book will help us understand and navigate the path of open adoption not only before and during the adoption process but also as our child reaches different stages in life. Pretty much this will be a road map to understanding it all!

Raising Adopted Children

Written by one of the authors of The Open Adoption Experience for this book she drew on the latest research in psychology, sociology, and medicine to guide parents through all stages of their child's development. She also writes about the pressing adoption issues of today including open adoption and transracial adoption. There are also answers to many of the most frequently asked questions adoptive parents have such as "When and how should I tell my child they are adopted".

None of these books are small and Jeff and I plan to make sure we take our time to understand each one. The benefit is we will be discussing them with our social worker and we own them now so as we move forward in this journey we will be able to go back and read them!