The Roller coaster of Emotions

I have gotten the same question from people 

"What is it like to be going through the adoption process?" 

So I decided I would answer it here in multi blog response over the next week. If you have any questions as I go over it please feel free to comment so I can answer. I love to answer questions and nothing is off limits.

First you have to break it into 5 different categories. 

1 The application and approval
2 The waiting to be picked
3 The possible selection
4 The chosen and waiting again
5 The placement and forever

I like to compare the entire process to pregnancy. I have offended people by doing this because they say I couldn't understand but I personally believe anyone who has struggled with fertility has an amazing understanding of the emotions involved.

Finding the right partner
The Application processes

Just like looking for the right spouse or partner to create a future with, the agency application process can be a whirlwind experience. Of course there is a lot more paperwork and back ground checks with adoption, but it really is a get to know you process. You also have the excitement if you chose to announce to the world that your making a commitment to each other.

Trying to get pregnant
Waiting to be picked

So this one is pretty simple in the comparison. You do your part to make things happen but honestly you have no control on what happens so you just have to trust in God.

Waiting for test results
The possible selection

So this is the part you've been waiting for! That positive test results or in the adoption world the message on your portal saying you've been selected! Of course you still can't say anything to anyone because things do happen beyond your control.

The first trimester
The Chosen and waiting again

This is the hardest part because you want to shout it from the mountain that there is going to be a baby!!! OMG someone trusts me to be a mother!!! Holy crap!! But just like a first trimester being picked doesn't guarantee you anything. At birth the mother can decided to parent the baby and just like a miscarriage you will need to learn to move on with the loss. There is no answers to why this happens but we all always blame ourselves.

Labor and Delivery 
The placement and forever

This comparison can be literal if you have a expected mother who wants you there in labor and delivery or metaphorically. The placement in the exciting time, the time where after all the waiting, and emotions you finally get to hold that baby in your arms. You finally get to share they joyful news with your family, celebrate the new arrival, and start to feel like thousands of new parents around the world.

The next blog will be about what the emotions are like from my view point during the 5 different processes. Tomorrow will be The Application and Approval Processes. 

Advice Please!

2 Years and Counting

Today makes it officially 2 years since we announced we are in the waiting period. As you all know a lot has happened in those 2 years. This time last year we were moving into the new house and knowing that the process would be put on hold. It was a very emotional year for me. I have put the idea of preparing on hold, away in the dust covered boxes and the idea of looking at baby stuff became an old memory. Poor Jeff has had to deal with my emotional roller coaster and today was probably a bit of a surprise to him. We are as you know back on the waiting list, new hope for our family has slowly started to creep in. We have done small things like taken new photo's for our profile, and kept our home study updated. 

Yet I have realized though that because of the delay I am so very unprepared to bring home a baby. Everything we have purchased, items gifted to us, and my much loved lists still packed away. I have no clue if we even have the most important things to survive the first few weeks of infant invasion. I don't even know if those lists of mine included those needed items. 

The other thing that has completely thrown me for a curve ball is the fact that Babies R Us is no longer around! I mean come on are you kidding me I had an entire baby registry set up with them. I knew that with a click of a mouse I could have that much needed car seat. Now what do I do!!! I can't unpack and set up the nursery because well it's still a kitchen. I am hoping in the next month to have demolition started so all those cute little outfits, adorable stuff animals, and my beloved lists must stay packed away a bit longer. 

So I need your help all my wonderful moms and dads out there! Since adoption doesn't come with a time line and perfectly timed baby shower to fill your home with those important items I need some advice from you. 

Please comment below those much needed items you can't live with out the first few weeks baby is home. I would like to slowly make sure I pick up those items we don't have and find the ones we do. 

And We Wait

October 25th 1:00 pm

The house is clean.

The closet is built.

And we are finally settling in. 

It's time to meet with our adoption specialist aka social worker and get back on the waiting list. Jeff and I have worked hard to meet the requirements of the agency since moving into the house. There have been a lot of ups and downs on my part emotionally with all of it. I will admit that I'm a rollercoaster with all this from buying the house, having to put the adoption plan on hold, and everything else!

There have been many nights of me crying and ready to give up on the hopes of adoption. When we bought the house we had agreed that the adoption money wouldn't be touched, then the boiler went during one of the coldest winters we have had since moving to Sussex County. Then this summer our electric had to get updated do to sparking issues. Meanwhile I had my gallbladder removed and my Achilles tendon repaired. Frustrated, over emotional, and the feeling of complete loneliness took me to a weak point. Puppies was my go to plan, I would fill the house with puppies because we all know puppies fix the heart. Jeff stood the ground that we wouldn't give up on the adoption and that Winnie didn't want a four legged sibling. I still believe we need at least one more four legged child but I will wait for that to happen. 

So that brings us to that day almost two weeks ago when we had our home inspection. I didn't stress out about cleaning the house because we are careful to not let our ADHD get out of control. So we did our normal dust, vacuum, and clean the bathrooms for the week. I tried to hang my favorite piece of art work in the newly painted dining room but the wall won the war. 

That morning I went to work like normal, Jeff and Winnie were cuddled up in bed. I left it all in Gods hands and knew we had worked hard to make this old house a home. I worked a half day, came home and we waited for our adoption specialist to show up. We were also going to meet our new AS since ours got promoted so I knew this wouldn't be a short visit. 

When they arrived we introduced them to Winnie and then put her in the kennel so we could tour the house and talk. They confirmed that the guns were stored safely, ammunition was kept in a separate area, all of which we have always been proactive with. We discussed the future nursery and I explained I wouldn't set one up until we are placed. (this is very normal they just want to know your plans). Then we sat and talked about our adoption plan. Yes every time you meet with your AS they go over you adoption plan. (I briefly talked about it in envelope part II 
but I will cover it more in the future). We also discussed if there were any expected mothers who may start looking at profiles soon, and if we want to start looking into other avenues such as out of state child services. We have gone national through the agency's domestic program a while back and will stick on that plan. Jeff had to head out early for work, but as always he asked questions when he was there. When they left that day we were officially fully active again. 

So now we wait.....We wait to be asked if we want our profile shown to an expected mother, we wait for God to guide us to our baby, and we wait for Winnie to be a big sister. 

And I nest!!!! Yes I'm nesting like crazy. But I'm nesting on Donna level.. What does that mean? I want to demo things, building  things, paint things, decorate things, create things!!! I have drawn out new floor plans for the second floor and future 1st floor mud room/ laundry room. I want to take down chimneys, put up drywall, and paint paint paint! When I nest I go all the way. But I have to be careful because we could get placed at anytime and demolition can't be happening. So keep us in your prayers as we wait. Visit with us, offer to lend a hand in my nesting craziness, or just remind Jeff that at least I'll get a lot done! 

I will keep blogging about different adoption topics but please understand when we do get closer to being placed we will be very private about it. So private that our parent's won't even know. We will do this to protect ourselves, any expected parents we may work with, and our future child. Until next time thank you, and please feel free to comment, ask questions, or just say hi below!

The Go Fund Me Link is

https://www.gofundme.com/vk9xth-our-adoption-journey?pc=em_db_co2876_v1&rcid=1bded02c13854ea68948e5f0abf3d480

The Long Delay

September 19, 2018

Time seems to have slipped past away faster then we expected this summer. What was suppose to be a few months delay in our adoption process has turned into 5 plus months. We haven't been completely on hold the entire time, but we have been limited to who our profile is shown to. In the past months we have been very very busy. 
In June my parents purchased a new house. Jeff and I spent 8 weekends working with dad doing work on their house and getting them moved in. It put a delay in completing work we need to do at home, but honestly we couldn't let them do it on their own. 

Then I had a procedure (fingers crossed) to keep me from having reconstructive surgery on my foot and Achilles tendon. It has delayed me from doing a lot around the house, but Jeff has been hard at work. The much needed and required master bedroom closet is almost completed, with us just needing to paint it, slap on the doors, and organizing it! This also means that we can start to settle in with some more unpacking to be done. 

We are back to being baby ready! Well almost...

What does this mean?

If the agency has a expected mother or birth mother who choses us we can be placed at any time. Well almost any time. Our social worker is coming to see the completed closet, make sure the guns are locked away, and that Jeff and I are ready to go! Of course that doesn't mean much more then we are ready to wait....

We do have one incomplete thing from our yearly home study.

Jeff hasn't gone to get his finger prints done yet. Due to my parents new home, working 48-60 hours a week, and working on our old house he has been delayed. The good thing is he has an appointment next week. Once the agency gets the results from that then they can put a baby in our care. I look at it as a few extra days for us to not stress and have time to do some more work at our own pace. 

Of course once they get those results you all know my nesting will kick into full swing and I'll be wanting to do even more work on the house. Yes the way I nest is to do some demo, redo a bathroom, maybe create a laundry room/mudroom, oh and gut the future nursery!

So stay tuned for up more updates!

How Can You Help

In one of our recent required educational program we had to read articles about the cost of adoption and fund-raising. We have worked very hard to do this 100% on our own and never planned to do any fund-raising. But after reading this article we have decided to run a small fund-raiser to help cover some of the reoccurring annual expenses and additional costs that we may have if we adopt out of state.

For example every year we are waiting to adopt we will to keep paying the following:

home study update at of cost of $450

NJ state background check $20

medical review $10 (awesome copays)

Finger printing $40

Plus if we want to update our profile with the new house and the thinner me we are talking anywhere from $100-$300 depending on the website we use to make the photo albums. Those two major life changes can increase the possibility of being picked!

Additional costs for out of state adoptions can vary from state to state. The biggest cost will be the hotel room or vacation home rental we will have to stay in for at least 2 weeks after placement and before we can leave the state. Other expenses could include and of course aren't limited to legal fees for the birthparents and travel expenses.

I know people will make comments that we shouldn't do things we can afford to pay ourselves, but sometimes God sends us gifts a little further away then we expect.

So lets talk fund-raising!

We have started a Go Fund Me page that we are excited to share with our family and friends who follow our blog. 

Of course we want to have a little fun so here is a challenge!

The Money Board  

 Here is what you do:

1. Pick any number or multiple numbers then comment below so that no one else takes your numbers!

2. Add those numbers together to equal your total 

Or

Add a zero or two to the number you picked 

3. Visit our Go Fund Me Page and donate

Make sure to check the comment section below to see what numbers are still available!

Straight donations are also welcome! No amount is to small!

Thank you for helping us become parents!

The Go Fund Me Link is

https://www.gofundme.com/vk9xth-our-adoption-journey?pc=em_db_co2876_v1&rcid=1bded02c13854ea68948e5f0abf3d480

New House Pains

Welcome To Our Farmhouse...

So after a crazy fall of surgery and apartment issues Jeff and I decided to add some more craziness to our lives and buy a house.
Not just any ready to move into house, oh no we got ourselves a 100+ year old fixer upper.

We were scheduled to close on our house the week before Christmas but due to delays from the mortgage  company we closed the Friday before New Years. We started staying there at night right away to escape the madness of our old condo, and to slowly move in. The following weekend an incredible group of friends and family helped us move fully in. Then the renovation madness started.

When your adopting you have to have your home approved. Major construction is not a positive so our goal was to get the interior major work done quickly. We knew that an old house would keep things from running smooth but with fingers crossed we planned a time line that wouldn't effect the adoption process. So to start off the construction process our builder and architect had to come and discuss the lay out of the new staircase. Since we didn't have full access to the one bedroom we had planned to turn into the stairway we were unaware of the location of the heating unit. So low and behold the easy out of the way location wouldn't work and we went on to plan 2. Now we have a staircase in the front part of the house removing one of the two front doors, and changing the use of the two front rooms. Of course now that the work is all complete I am glad that the stairs have been moved because we have a more usable floor plan. A little bit odd but it's an old farm house.

During the construction we had the unexpected surprise of having to get a new boiler. This was an unplanned event and sadly we had to use our adoption fund to pay for not just the boiler work but the new chimney we had to install. (Pictures will come in the next blog post). Oh and you can't forget the love that Mother Nature showed us by snowing down on a regular basis. She also helped us experience what it was like to live in the old farm house with out electricity during the first of two major storms. We were one of the areas to luckily get our power back before the second storm hit us. I will admit I was miserable and wanted to give up.

Now as I stated about the adoption process and purchasing a new house during it means you have to have a home inspection. Due to the delay we had because of weather and power loss I tried to delay the inspection as much as I could. But sadly our service worker was moved to another department and we were assigned a wonderful service worker who has been with our agency for a while. Because of this she needed to come to see the house sooner. So we welcomed her into our new home, had to explain the construction zone, and discuss what our plan was. I personally don't want to put the adoption on hold. The idea makes me cry, but God has a plan that is bigger then me. Our service worker recommended that we not put the entire process on hold but only seek mothers that are not looking to place right away. This will give us time to finish the few things we need to do once the contractors finished. So currently our profile will be shared with expected mothers/parents who are just going into their third trimester. Of course if we were to find a expected mother on our own, we will move mountains if that is Gods plan. 


Of course during all of this I was having a small medical experience I hadn't planned. Well no one ever plans gallstones but in my dad's family it's kind of expected. Also it isn't uncommon for those of us who have gastric sleeve surgery with a gallbladder to get gallstones. I was hoping to make one year like most people but I'm a Watson woman (family name and we say it with pride) and Watson woman know how to gallstones like no ones business. So in April I said goodbye to my gallbladder and the wonderful sand and stones it had made for me. Well I have two medical experiences actually. In June I will be having my Achilles Tendon repaired. It is a non-surgical repair to remove scar tissue in a tear. I already have the fancy boot I get to sport for three weeks.

I won't let that stop me from doing construction around this old house. If anything it will make me more determined to prove I'm still just as tough, and that I'll do anything to become a Mother.

So in this crazy addition to the blog here is what we have-
1. The fall provided us with new beginnings we didn't expect
2. The winter provided us with struggles we are surprised we survived.
3.Spring is all about healing our hearts, bodies, and home.
4. The summer can only bring us closer to being a new family.

Cuts Like A Knife

10 Months!

Time truly does fly by. I can't believe we are already at 10 months of waiting for our sweet blessing. So much has changed in our lives this year in small and big ways. We believe that God has us on a path to prepare for our future, much like those who go threw pregnancy.

There are many differences that many adoptive parents go through that they don't speak about. Things that are so personal that many of us are unable to explain the emotions they bring.

One is the mourning period that unsuccessful fertility treatments brings you into. It is a month by month roller coaster of ups and downs each time ending in mourning. Of course the realization that we will never have a biological child is different for each of us. I have friends who found out at a young age they would never birth children, others experience it after years of struggles, for each of us it is a very personal experience. This loss is one that no one is prepared for. 

For woman its not just the fact that the child God has planned for them won't share their DNA, but it is also the entire loss of the pregnancy experience. We will never take that test that tells us we are pregnant, we will never lay down for an ultra sound, and we will never feel our baby inside our bellies. We mourn these losses, we cry, we get angry, we hurt. I can tell you we don't move forward until we have started to heal from that loss. We haven't chosen adoption as a fill in because no matter how God sends us a child, they are ours. 

For men the process can be unique in just as many ways. The explore emotions they may have never know they had, trying to figure out what this news means to them. Men look at families very differently then women but they too have to mourn the loss. They also have to navigate a path of their wives emotions that she is more then likely keeping from her closes family and friends. Men have a tendency to want to fix things, they stay strong and at times forget to deal with it themselves. It is such a personal experiences many couples don't even discuss it. The divorce rate is leaps and bounds higher for couples who face fertility challenges then those who don't. Jeff and I are lucky we found ways to draw closer to each other, be open about our feelings, and know that God was in control.

We understand that even those closest to us will never understand. Even those who have traveled this same journey or similar ones will never understand ours. They are each so personal, and the paths we take moving forward are a reflection of that. We look forward to welcoming our future blessing into our family and know adoption is the amazing path we were meant to be on.