So the first step is the wonderful Formal Application. Luckily today the application is done on line so your not looking at five to ten pages paper that you worry about having to file out multiple times because you mess something up. Instead it is a long scrolling screen on your computer that has a save button because they know it will take you a week to fill out. When I filled out my form to get my FAA Aircraft Mechanics license there were less questions!
Now your asking what would they care to know about on this formal application. Well to start with they want to know who you are, where you live, what religion you are, where you work, when is your birthday, and where you went to school. Basic right. This is what you would think they will ask right? Well it doesn't stop there and the details they need are insane.
So then they go on to ask things like who our parents are and what they do for a living. Then they want to know how many brothers and sisters we each have. Oh it doesn't stop there, then they need to know where we have worked and are currently working. And don't forget they needed to know who is living with us and don't forget they have to have a full back ground check also!
Of course just when we thought it was filled out there is more wonderful things to answer!!!!!!!
Now lets get personal and ask you about bank accounts, investments, and loans. Did we forget that we need to know all about your health, home, life, and disability insurance......
At this point the scroll thing on the side of the computer is only half way down the page!!!!
Jeff is laying on the sofa and reaching for the t.v. remote to find something to watch. I'm getting stressed at the thought that I may mistype something and in turn ruin our chances to adopt. Can you imagine this is just the first step and I'm already nervous. We know we will make great parents, but we aren't them and they are the only people who can decide if they should entrust us with a child.
So it is back to filling out the second half of the application. We started filling it out on Sunday today is Wednesday and the application is pretty much complete. We are waiting for a few forms that we have to collect and include and the 1st step of the home study will be done. Well the 1st step of the 1st step of the home study!
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
What is a Home Study?
We understand that most people starting families don't understand what a home study is. Since it is a huge part of the adoption process and can take 6 months to complete it is something that we will be talking about probably until October!
So what is a home study?
According to google definition a Home Study is-an assessment of prospective adoptive parents to see if they are suitable for adopting a child.
Bethany starts their home study with the first appointment that we had. From the moment you walk in they are finding out who you are. So not only do they review with you the process they also start asking questions to find out more about each person. There are many layers to the home study and below I will list them.
1. First meeting-Getting to know you and your history.
2. Formal application-Finding out where you live, who lives with you, if you have kids, where you work, what your finances are like, who is in your family(your parents and siblings), who do you want to use as references, and so much more.
3. Back ground checks, finger printing, and child abuse check. All are done in every state you have lived in.
4. Interviews-At this point each person is interviewed privately. I would love to say what they will ask but I have no clue.
5. Education-As perspective adoptive parents you must get educated. Between on line classes, reading books, and attending adoption seminars there is tons of hours spent educating yourself. Once I know what we will be learning I will keep you posted!
6. Home Inspection- This is when they come into your home a find out if you live is a safe home and see where the baby will sleep. They will review everything with you and be ready for them to say something is wrong!
7. More meetings with your adoption specialist.
As we go through the process we will keep you posted on the different parts of the home study.
So what is a home study?
According to google definition a Home Study is-an assessment of prospective adoptive parents to see if they are suitable for adopting a child.
Bethany starts their home study with the first appointment that we had. From the moment you walk in they are finding out who you are. So not only do they review with you the process they also start asking questions to find out more about each person. There are many layers to the home study and below I will list them.
1. First meeting-Getting to know you and your history.
2. Formal application-Finding out where you live, who lives with you, if you have kids, where you work, what your finances are like, who is in your family(your parents and siblings), who do you want to use as references, and so much more.
3. Back ground checks, finger printing, and child abuse check. All are done in every state you have lived in.
4. Interviews-At this point each person is interviewed privately. I would love to say what they will ask but I have no clue.
5. Education-As perspective adoptive parents you must get educated. Between on line classes, reading books, and attending adoption seminars there is tons of hours spent educating yourself. Once I know what we will be learning I will keep you posted!
6. Home Inspection- This is when they come into your home a find out if you live is a safe home and see where the baby will sleep. They will review everything with you and be ready for them to say something is wrong!
7. More meetings with your adoption specialist.
As we go through the process we will keep you posted on the different parts of the home study.
Friday, April 15, 2016
1st Meeting
April 15, 2016-
Today was our first meeting with our adoption advisor. During this meeting she started with a get to know you session. She asked us what brought us to adoption and how long we have been together. As our advisor it is important for her to get to know us personally. So we talked about things like how we met, what the past few years have been like with our fertility journey, and what finally brought us to her office.
The next thing was a review of the steps to the adoption process. Since this is a process that is unknown to most people I will cover it in an other blog with information on each section. Anyway she went over the information of what we can expect and then asked that question we were ready to answer!
Do you want to move forward with Bethany Christian Services?
Of course she told us we didn't have to answer her today and could take time to think about it. But I looked at Jeff and asked what he thought and he said "We are ready to move forward"!
So we started the process and over the next month we have lots of homework to do. Much of it I will talk about in the future posts. There is a lot of things that have to happen before we are approved to adopt but as the steps go on I promise to keep you all informed. Yes at some point the posts will be less then others and many will also be posts on how we are feeling. Thank you all for your support now I'm off to sleep! Good Night!
Today was our first meeting with our adoption advisor. During this meeting she started with a get to know you session. She asked us what brought us to adoption and how long we have been together. As our advisor it is important for her to get to know us personally. So we talked about things like how we met, what the past few years have been like with our fertility journey, and what finally brought us to her office.
The next thing was a review of the steps to the adoption process. Since this is a process that is unknown to most people I will cover it in an other blog with information on each section. Anyway she went over the information of what we can expect and then asked that question we were ready to answer!
Do you want to move forward with Bethany Christian Services?
Of course she told us we didn't have to answer her today and could take time to think about it. But I looked at Jeff and asked what he thought and he said "We are ready to move forward"!
So we started the process and over the next month we have lots of homework to do. Much of it I will talk about in the future posts. There is a lot of things that have to happen before we are approved to adopt but as the steps go on I promise to keep you all informed. Yes at some point the posts will be less then others and many will also be posts on how we are feeling. Thank you all for your support now I'm off to sleep! Good Night!
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Informing the Future Grandparents
I was blessed with parents that understand that not ever couple wants kids or are able to easily have kids. So when Jeff and I realized something was wrong and we needed to seek medical help with starting our family I knew I had the support of my parents. Jeff is also blessed with a very understanding mother and we knew she would support us through it all. My mom probable got most of the information because she was my go to person when I had medical questions which I had tons of. I can actually say our fertility journey helped me build a closer relationship with my mom then I had ever had. Of course we still drive each other crazy because well that's us!
So when I had finally had enough with hormone injections and the monthly disappointment of not being pregnant I told my mom. It wasn't an easy decision because I had always dreamed of that moment when you could feel the baby inside you, and having people get excited about the fact you had sex and got knocked up! I mourned the loss of that experience, the opportunity to bring a baby into the world that was half me and half Jeff. But having my mothers support during that time was helpful. Jeff and I had long conversations on our future and we agreed we wouldn't say anything to anyone else until we decided what path we would follow.
Easter 2016--So we had gone to the two information meetings that we had picked and knew with in days of the Bethany meeting the path we both wanted to do. Luckily we were having dinner with our parents on Easter. Our other guests had to change their plans and things fell into place perfectly. It was time to tell our parents the plan to do a domestic infant adoption!
We had discussed that we would talk to the parents together at the condo before we headed out for dinner. But once again my well laid out plan got changed because Jeff had to sleep because he had work that night. So we went with the divide and concur technique and told our parents on the way to the Walpack Inn! We had asked them to keep the information to their self until we made the big announcement!
Of course they were all excited but I was shocked in how few questions they all had.
Adoption today is so different then it was 30 years ago. Hell it's different from 10 years ago. There are new terms used, new processes used, and even for people who know people who are adopted it is a unknown world.
Of course we welcome questions about the process and that day is when I decided to start this blog. I want to help answer question, keep our family and friends informed, and even though a baby isn't growing in my belly it is my heart and this is were you will find that love grow!
So when I had finally had enough with hormone injections and the monthly disappointment of not being pregnant I told my mom. It wasn't an easy decision because I had always dreamed of that moment when you could feel the baby inside you, and having people get excited about the fact you had sex and got knocked up! I mourned the loss of that experience, the opportunity to bring a baby into the world that was half me and half Jeff. But having my mothers support during that time was helpful. Jeff and I had long conversations on our future and we agreed we wouldn't say anything to anyone else until we decided what path we would follow.
Easter 2016--So we had gone to the two information meetings that we had picked and knew with in days of the Bethany meeting the path we both wanted to do. Luckily we were having dinner with our parents on Easter. Our other guests had to change their plans and things fell into place perfectly. It was time to tell our parents the plan to do a domestic infant adoption!
We had discussed that we would talk to the parents together at the condo before we headed out for dinner. But once again my well laid out plan got changed because Jeff had to sleep because he had work that night. So we went with the divide and concur technique and told our parents on the way to the Walpack Inn! We had asked them to keep the information to their self until we made the big announcement!
Of course they were all excited but I was shocked in how few questions they all had.
Adoption today is so different then it was 30 years ago. Hell it's different from 10 years ago. There are new terms used, new processes used, and even for people who know people who are adopted it is a unknown world.
Of course we welcome questions about the process and that day is when I decided to start this blog. I want to help answer question, keep our family and friends informed, and even though a baby isn't growing in my belly it is my heart and this is were you will find that love grow!
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
What Path to Follow
Jeff and I had agreed before we went to the meetings that we would each take time to think about option before we discussed it. We both wanted to make sure that we picked the path we were most comfortable with. Since our 5th anniversary trip was coming up we had a little time before we would take the next step and welcomed the time for reflection. Of course since we had a plan to wait Jeff and I both figured out the path we wanted to take much quicker.
Listening to everything that is so wonderful about the NJ Foster to Adopt program and the added benefit of the no fees made the decision to not go that path a bit hard for me. Why did I decide not to you may ask? After 5 years of the fertility roller coaster I knew that I would love to hard to let go if the child's parents did what was required and gained custody. The foster to adopt process can be a long road with many ups and downs and I don't know how I personally would emotionally handle it. I truly believe if I already had an established family it would be a great process for us, but at this time it just wasn't the correct fit.
Jeff had also made the decision that the NJ Foster to Adopt program was wonderful but not the correct fit for him. Why I can't speak for him but knowing him as well as I do I have a feeling its similar to my reason. We discussed the option of adopting one of the wonderful children in waiting but in the end we both really want to chance to wake up in the middle of the night with a baby, watch their first steps, and hear their first words. Fertility issues have already threaten to take those moments from us and we didn't want to give up totally on those experiences.
So now we had the Bethany Christian Services options. International adoption has always peaked our interest since we donate to World Vision and communicate with a young boy in Honduras. The idea of adopting a child from Central or South America was a possibility we both considered. Then there was the option to work with a locale expecting mother and starting our family off with an infant.
There is a lot that goes in to making the decision between the two options. First is the cost for the entire adoption process. With International adoption you have the basic costs of the agency and then all the travel costs. Second is the time missed from our jobs to go through the processes. All adoptions have required meetings, class time, and home study. International adoption also has required travel time to the country of choice and what the country requires for length of stay. Third is the age and health of the child. International children are typically 3 and up and through Bethany most children have some level of disability. When looking at our income and what missing time from work would do to us financially international adoption really wasn't the best option. Jeff is lucky enough to have paid days off, but for me I am not so lucky.
So the final decision we have made is the path we truly believe God has chosen for us. We will be working with Bethany Christian Services on a domestic adoption of an infant. It will be a long journey but we are excited to do it together.
Listening to everything that is so wonderful about the NJ Foster to Adopt program and the added benefit of the no fees made the decision to not go that path a bit hard for me. Why did I decide not to you may ask? After 5 years of the fertility roller coaster I knew that I would love to hard to let go if the child's parents did what was required and gained custody. The foster to adopt process can be a long road with many ups and downs and I don't know how I personally would emotionally handle it. I truly believe if I already had an established family it would be a great process for us, but at this time it just wasn't the correct fit.
Jeff had also made the decision that the NJ Foster to Adopt program was wonderful but not the correct fit for him. Why I can't speak for him but knowing him as well as I do I have a feeling its similar to my reason. We discussed the option of adopting one of the wonderful children in waiting but in the end we both really want to chance to wake up in the middle of the night with a baby, watch their first steps, and hear their first words. Fertility issues have already threaten to take those moments from us and we didn't want to give up totally on those experiences.
So now we had the Bethany Christian Services options. International adoption has always peaked our interest since we donate to World Vision and communicate with a young boy in Honduras. The idea of adopting a child from Central or South America was a possibility we both considered. Then there was the option to work with a locale expecting mother and starting our family off with an infant.
There is a lot that goes in to making the decision between the two options. First is the cost for the entire adoption process. With International adoption you have the basic costs of the agency and then all the travel costs. Second is the time missed from our jobs to go through the processes. All adoptions have required meetings, class time, and home study. International adoption also has required travel time to the country of choice and what the country requires for length of stay. Third is the age and health of the child. International children are typically 3 and up and through Bethany most children have some level of disability. When looking at our income and what missing time from work would do to us financially international adoption really wasn't the best option. Jeff is lucky enough to have paid days off, but for me I am not so lucky.
So the final decision we have made is the path we truly believe God has chosen for us. We will be working with Bethany Christian Services on a domestic adoption of an infant. It will be a long journey but we are excited to do it together.
Monday, April 11, 2016
First Step Information Meetings
Our first information meeting was at the Sussex County Department of Children and Families to find out about adoption through the foster care system. It was an oddly warm evening and like most government agencies they office was unusually warm. Jeff and I met after I got out of work at the office located in Newton ready to take in all the information they would provide. We both had grown up with friends who were effected by the foster system and already knew that foster families are amazing people.
The meeting started with a very eye opening movie about a young girl and her journey into the system. Even the coldest of hearts would be brought to tears with the raw truth of this movie. Then it was an hour and a half of intense information being given to you about all aspects of the foster system. Included in it was the three options that we would have fosters, foster to adopt, and adoption. They recruiting lady provided us with information on what would be required of us, our home, and our lives with each of the options. Jeff and I walked out that night a bit overwhelmed but also very informed about this amazing process.
March 23, 2016-Bethany Christian Services Information Meeting-
Our second information meeting was in Bergen County at the adoption agency Bethany Christian Services. They weather was still warm but now we walked into the cool basement of an old house located near the buisness area of town. I promise the house is their office and not some strange don't go in there location. Jeff and I had driven down together and since the meeting was after I got out of work we were both hungry going in.
At this meeting we sat with other couples to learn about the long history of Bethany and their involvement in New Jersey with adoption. They explained how they have three paths that a family can follow-adoption through the foster care system, international adoption, and domestic infant adoption. They reviewed the cost, process, and journey that adoption will bring you and how they help to guide you. They shared examples of adoption photo books that hopeful couples make to introduce themselves to the expected parent or foster child. They talked about long term support and adoption laws for the states they work in. Once again our heads were spinning with all the information.
At this point Jeff and I agreed to do a lot of thinking and praying about what path we each felt called to. Stay tuned as our journey is only starting.
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