A Safe Place to Sleep Part 2

 The best thing to do first thing in the morning 

is to go back to sleep!

So shortly after my surgery Jeff  put the drywall up behind the radiator. I knew once our HVAC guy came to reinstall it we wouldn’t be able to paint the wall or floor. So poor Jeff had to take paint samples I had and get painting. 

Work on the room at this time slowed down. Jeff was now working part time at Lowe’s and full time on the railroad, and I was recovering from major surgery. I would not be able to go up stairs for two months, forget try to do renovations.

So we finalized paint colors for the walls and floor. I also started researching armoires since the room didn’t have a closet anymore.

Meanwhile while I was starting to walk again, Jeff, my dad, and our nephew Joey started hanging drywall!

Sadly during this time we said goodbye to our Winnie. The loss of her, the addition of our new kitten Qi’ra, and me returning to work made for a lot of late night renovation projects.

Once the drywall was up we contacted our favorite sparkler Bill to come in and work his magic.

There are jobs you can do but having an expert come in and do the work transforms a job. Within a few days he was able to smooth out issues, give us guidance, and seal up all the seams. He was worth every penny.

Finally it was time to start painting. I was finally able to climb ladders, so every night I  could be found painting the walls, ceiling, and preparing the  floors.

We also cleaned and painted the windows. The right before the country shut down we were ready for the lighting to be installed and electrical to be finished.

Finally it was time for detail work. So dad and Jeff handled the cove molding and I handled the baseboard. Together we got the windows and doors framed out.

I always paint the molding before installing. Then I just have to do touch up.

Once all the molding was up it was time to caulk and touch up paint. And then a short break while the floors had time to dry from a final coat of paint.

Stay tuned for Part 3 final decor

A Safe Place to Sleep Part 1

 Sometimes the best things happen because things don’t go well. 

A year ago the plan was to paint the ugly back room and make it the guest room. I spent hours painting the chip board walls and removing the carpet. It was bright and airy, a perfect temporary fix up. Then we discovered that the drop ceiling was hiding the ceiling cave in. So we changed plans and started demolition.

At first we were going to just remove the plaster but we knew there was no insulation in the walls.

So the lath came down and we decided to take out the closet. 

Then we discovered the original wide planked pine floors. So of course if we are gutting the room I wanted to go all the way. So we removed the floors and changed the position of the bedroom door. The molding came down and it was almost time to insulate.

Our time line for the room was three months start to finish. That was changed when we added more demolition to the plan. Not only did it add more work it also removed hundreds of pounds of more waist. So demolition took about two months, then finally it was time to insulate. Since our house was built over 100 years ago it is missing a few modern building requirements. The main one is there is nothing between the siding and the house. No vapor barrier, no plywood, and for sure no insulation. At least now we have insulation in that room!

The best part is when you insulate you can see the post and beam construction shine brightly. We were lucky to get the insulation up before the cold weather happened. Meanwhile we stripped the radiator and painted it with heat resistant paint. But before we moved on to the next step I had my Achilles surgery.

Stay tuned for Part 2 

Well That Flushes!!

From the Start

When we had our home inspection, we were made aware that the second floor kitchen and bathroom needed work. We didn't care because the kitchen will be coming out, and the bathroom needed to be renovated anyway. Home inspectors can't see behind walls, they can only tell you about what they see. Also pipes age differently depending on the type of water you have. We have hard water which means it is full of minerals, and they chemically react to metal pipes. We knew all this, so the plan was we would tackle one bathroom at a time and then finally the kitchen.  The estimated year that this house got running water and functioning bathrooms is 1968 - 1970. That is the back story.....

Here We Are

So about a month or so ago Jeff and I noticed that the carpet in the bathroom was getting wet while we showered. We had changed the shower curtain and rod shortly before that. I also noticed that the weather stripping around the tub was shot. So we picked up from Lowes some flexseal tape and made sure the new curtain wasn't flipping out when we showered. Wet rug kept happening and the smell of mildew was taking over. Next step was for Jeff to remove the rug (the bathrooms and kitchen all had carpeting when we moved in and I have bad allergies so removal is Jeff's lucky job). 

Hoping that the rug was getting wet because of shower run off we set off to stay the course in home repair. Well that was the plan until we showered and the floor became wet, and not just over spray wet but rain puddle wet in the middle of the room! It was time to investigate and determine what was causing our bathroom to be waterfront property. After running a few tests and some investigation it was determined the cold water line probably has a leak that is causing the water to run behind the tub along the floor and in to the room. The flooring is rotting around the tub, and the smell of mildew started to stay. The next step was to find out what was causing the second floor tub to drain so slow.

It was time to call in the professionals and that is when it all came to light on how bad things are. I have to say the benefit of living in such a small county (population wise) is that you find the best companies and they put you before the dollar. The plumber knew the house before he even got hear and let me know that he knew there were some issues from the previous owner. I explained to him what was happening and that we needed to use the upstairs bathroom so we can renovate down stairs. He really did try to make things better without having to give us the bad news. He tried everything he had, but it was inevitable that it was a bigger job then I expected.

So here is what is happening. All the pipes in the house are original to when they installed plumbing as previously stated. The copper feed lines are starting to get pin holes in them as proven in the downstairs bathroom and the kitchen sink. Since I want to move plumbing around to make the downstairs shower more usable, and we have to move plumbing in the second floor bathroom to create the new floor plan we will need to replace all the lines. That wouldn't be bad if we could do it room by room, BUT once you mess with one line the others will weaken and cause issues. SO instead we need to do all the feed lines at once.

Of course the waste lines don't want to be left out and the old cast iron pipes are starting to show signs a leakage. FUN! The good thing is the pipe above I wanted to be moved anyway. See I found a bright side to this! But since we have to replace the waste lines that means we have to replace all the way out to septic!!!! Oh the joys of owning an old farmhouse! 

So what does this mean for us and the adoption? 

So once we decide it is time to move forward we will have to do both bathrooms at the same time. Since the state requires running water and functioning bathrooms (which we have currently just a little slow) the adoption will have to be put on hold. We are now 3 1/2 years active with our adoption search, I don't want to put anything on hold. So we have a plan, let me correct that we have an idea of how to move forward. 

Where has our agency been during all this you ask? 

So Covid happened as you are all aware and it has caused our agency to pretty much go on a pause. Since they aren't allowed in hospitals to work with birthmothers who want to do adoption, and those who would normal seek the agency out during pregnancy are stuck at home, nothing has happened. Its been a scary time as we watch months pass by with nothing happening. We know God has a plan and I believe its time we do more of the work ourselves.

So what is the next step?

First it requires the help from all the people we know. YES each and everyone of you gets to step up and take part in our journey. In the next few weeks, with the help from an amazing friend we will be creating a new adoption profile video. Once it is completed we are going to ask everyone to share it. Help us get our faces out there. You never know who may have an unexpected pregnancy or know someone who does. With your help and the help of everyone you know we hope to get our story spread out across the country.

Meanwhile we will keep doing all we can here at Winnie Dog Farm to prepare the house for the adoption, renovations, and of course annual home study. We will continue our education classes required for the adoption, hope the agency is able to get more active, and share with all of you our progress. So stay tuned for more information, and thank  you for supporting us on this adoption journey.

Adoption Wait VS. Quarentine

How are you handling quarantine?

Do you notice your friend who have 

adopted or done fertility treatments seem so much calmer?

Well welcome to our world of waiting for 

someone else to tell you: Your life can continue. 

Your world is frozen in time, it seems like nothing is happening 

then you look outside and the grass is growing.

Just when you have excepted this fate the beaches open in the south. The first thing that pops in your mind is "are you kidding they are so not ready for that phase" "They have no idea what they are doing". Just like in fertility/adoption when someone you didn't expect to get pregnant does and the shock hits you that it's not you.

You wait for that day to go back to normal. 
But you can't go back because things have changed yet your excited to see what the future brings.

Quarantine is like fertility and adoption journies.

1. Quarantine - life seemed to be going great and then the bottom fell out from you and the goverment is now telling you when it will be safe to leave your home.

Adoption & Fertility - Yup your moving forward with life plans and now its time to start a family. Bam it's not that easy and now you have to put your trust in strangers!

2. Quarantine - Your trapped in your house, maybe your like Jeff and get to escape to work but you have no control of who you see or when.

Adoption & Fertility - Your trapped in this private world only you, your spouse/partner and the drs/social worker know about. You can't change what is happening.

3. Quarantine - You tune into the news to see when it will be safe to go back to school and work. 

Fertility - You wait for that phone call that you are ready for the next step towards getting pregnant.

Adoption - You check your email multiple times of day waiting to see if you can have your profile shown.

4. Quarantine - Your hopes are dashed when they annouce 4 more weeks until a decision.

Fertility - Either your not ready for the next step 
or sorry the test is negative.

Adoption - Your profile wasn't picked or 
the birth mother decided to parent.

5. Quarantine - The goverment rolls out a return to life plan.

Fertility - Your pregnant but you still need to shoot needles in your ass to make sure you don't lose the baby......

Adoption - Your profile has been picked now you sit and wait.

9 Years and Counting

11 years committed to each other

10 years since he asked me to marry him

9 years we have been united as one

Our journey started in 1986 when Jeff and I met.

He was a 13 year old boy from the other side of the tracks and I was a 9 year old with a crush on him.

That year I discovered Ozzy Osbourne and 

the Mets won the World Series.

That summer I told my mom I would marry him one day, little did I know that would be true.

Through the years we would run into each other. 

He lived his life and I live my life. 

We never forgot about each other, 

God made sure of that because he had a plan.

We grew, matured, and bettered ourselves. 

We had also both given up on finding love, 

happily living the single life.

Then 11 years ago he showed up again.

This time though things were different. 

This time we took a chance on following our hearts. 

We had our first date on a late snowy 

Tuesday night in January of 2009. 

It was a simple meet up at Yetter's diner. 

By that June Jeff had moved in with me.

Life was moving forward and we had started talking about getting married and having a family. 

We were engaged just before our 1 year anniversary.

We moved to Sussex County to start our life 

together in a cute little lake house. 

We were excited to start planning the wedding.

That December our world stopped when Jeff was rushed from a Nucellar Stress test to Morristown Hospital. 

That night he had two stents put in due to a 

99.9% blockage in his heart. 

The doctor was amazed he was alive. 

I am forever grateful for them.

2011 finally arrived and time for wedding. 

Sadly I lost my job shortly after the new year and I had to say goodbye to the many friends I had made. 

Jeff was still out on disability and we had to decided what to do about the wedding. 

We had almost everything figured out 

and planned so we chose to move forward. 

My bridal party hosted a wonderful shower for me. 

We had a wonderful day surrounded by love. 

During  all this we were trying to get pregnant. 

Jeff had hoped to announce at the wedding we were pregnant but that didn't happen. 

We had an early miscarriage that we kept private. 

I only knew I was pregnant because we were already tracking and testing ovulation at that point. 

We moved forward figuring the stress of everything wasn't helping and it would happen soon.

On April 1, 2011 surrounded by our family and friends we were joined together in the eye of God. 

Forever stuck with each other! 

Neither of us would change it!

We were very lucky to have amazing role models of what marriage is in our lives. 

We didn't know what the road ahead would hold, 

how hard fertility would effect us, 

and how alone we would feel. 

I know God has amazing things for us ahead and I am so glad that I'm on this journey with Jeff.

What is a Birth Parent?

LETS TALK

A birth parents story will never be for Jeff and I to tell. Their story can only be told by them and our child. A reason someone decided to put a child up for adoption is a very personal story and has no effect on anyone but them and the child. The only thing any of us needs to know is the birth parents are part of that child and because of that will be loved just for that simple fact.

WHAT ISN'T A BIRTH PARENT

The difference between a birth parent and a parent is simple. A parent is someone who feels in their heart that no matter what they will raise this child. They may or may not have the support of a family, but they know they could never give a child up for adoption. A parent is someone who plans to be the main influence in their child's life and have a parenting plan. A parent could be anyone at any age that knows adoption just isn't something they could do. They could also be someone who though adoption was what they wanted until the moment they held the child and the entire plan changed.

WHAT IS A BIRTH PARENT

A birth parent is someone who make the hard decision to make an adoption plan. Plain and simple it is their choice on how to be a parent because no matter what they are the parent to that child. A birth parent isn't the main influence on a child, they do not raise them, or set the rules on discipline. But they are the reason this child is in this world and because of that they are a birth parent. A birth parents story could be one of a thousand but here is some explanation of who they could be.

Birth parents are of course a birth mother and a birth father. Since a birth father isn't always the one talked about I will speak of them first. The birth father may be known and have part in the adoption decision or may not. They may be the boyfriend or husband of the birth mother, or they could be a one night stand. He could be sadly be the predator in a rap or molestation and so in turn never be named. If a birth father isn't named they do have the option to speak up after a placement to take custody. Every state varies on their adoption laws and how long they have to try and take custody. In New Jersey if the name of the birth father becomes known by the agency they have to do everything they can to contact him and discuss a birth/adoption plan.

A birth father could be a young man who never wanted to be a parent. He may be a college student who sees becoming a parent at this time would not end well for any of them. They could be someone struggling with an addiction or come from an abusive back ground and knows they are not the best option to be a parent. He may be someone who has always wanted to be a father but knows that at this time it isn't the best option for this child. He could be in his 30's or 40's, a contractor, a lawyers, or warehouse worker. They come from all walks of life and all ages, there is no set description of what a birth father is. He could be your drinking buddy, your brother, son, or the favorite teacher at school.

A birth mother can be your sister, your daughter, your best friend, or the lady you work with. Birth mothers come in all walks of life and have 1000 personal reasons why they chose adoption. All I can do is give you a few examples of who a birth mother may be. 

A birth mother may decide to make an adoption plan because they have a dream of dancing the Nutcracker with the New York City Ballet and having a child would keep them from being who they want to be. She may be in jail detoxing from heroin with no family support and no idea how to be a parent. Her marriage could be falling apart from an affair and the birth father won't leave his wife and children for her. A birth mother could be a victim of rap. She could be an abuse survivor who doesn't want her child to ever have to be his victim also. She may be in denial that she is pregnant until the final month, days, or hours and when the time comes knows she doesn't want to parent. She may not believe in abortion and knows from that first pregnancy test that adoption is what God is leading her towards. 

A birth mother isn't a birth mother until she gives birth and signs the adoption papers. She is an expected mother and a mother until that time. She will carry the child, connect with the child, and make the decisions she feels is best for her and that child. She will forever be part of that child. Her reason for an adoption plan will change the world for both of them, but she will never walk away and forget.  

PLEASE WATCH YOUR WORDS

When you speak to us about an expected parent or birth parent please don't speak bad words of them. You don't know who they are, or what their life is like. Don't assume anything about them. When we are placed with a child please watch your words. You will never know the story of why their birth parents made an adoption plan. Never speak ill of them to our child because we will never do that. A birth parent makes a difficult decision to make an adoption plan and because of that we will never speak bad of them. They will bless us with a family because not only will the child be ours but they will forever be connected to us. They may chose to do an open adoption or a closed adoption and we will support them no matter what. They may say for now they just want photos and 10 years down the road they may want to meet, once again we will support that. We will always put what is best for our child before anything and part of that is to never speak ill of their birth parents. 

DON'T ASK WHAT OUR CHILDS ADOPTION STORY IS

We don't care who you are, our child's adoption story is personal. Why their birth parents made an adoption plan is not for us to share. It doesn't change how you will love the child and doesn't effect your life. This story isn't about us or you, its all about the birth parent's and our future child. A birth parent has the right to never share the detail with anyone and so will our child. Don't ask them why they were adopted, just know we will love them no matter what. 

Please understand that a birth parent may be the last person we ever thought we would love. But anyone who choses us to parent their child will always be part of our heart. Adoption expands our family not just with a child, but also those who blessed us with that child. If you don't watch your word just remember we will chose our child over anyone.

Saying Goodbye to Our Winnie

On Thursday, January 30th Jeff and I had one of the hardest days of our lives. We had to say goodbye to our first baby. 

That Monday we found out that Winnie was much sicker then she had ever been and her body was finally saying enough is enough. We had hoped to bring her home so she could pass peacefully with us. But Winnie was a fighter and she fought her greatest fight to try not to leave us. On Wednesday night we both realized we needed to help her pass. She wasn't able to keep food down, she was past exhaustion afraid to sleep, and wasting away before our eyes. 

She was our world for so long and having to say goodbye was the hardest decision we ever had to make. We miss her every second of everyday but we know that the decision was the best thing for her. 

I would like to take a few moments to tell you about our amazing Winnie the Pooper. 

Winnie joined our family on July 12, 2011. 

She came into our lives shortly after we got married and at the beginning of our fertility struggles. When we decided to get a puppy we did a lot of research into a family friend dog that would make the perfect bird dog for Jeff. Little did we know then she would be the most spoiled hunting dog ever!

 

From the start Winnie was our little adventure buddy. Her first year of life she went camping in the Finger Lakes and beach time at the Jersey Shore. Through out her life she got to travel from Cape Cod to Orlando. She was always ready to hop in the car and go where ever we were off to. Her favorite car trips were to Grandma and Grandpa's house and off to her favorite yard at the Haywards. 

Winnie was our happiness when we went through some very dark times trying to start a family. She made Christmas easier with her excitement to open gifts and meet Santa Claus. She loved to cuddle with me when I struggled with depression and loneliness. She was Jeff's little buddy sharing adventures with him and curling up when he was sick. She made the long journey a little easier to handle.

Some people may not understand the love we have for Winnie, but I don't think anyone can understand how someone else feels. Winnie wasn't just a pet to us, she our baby girl, our happiness during the dark times, and comfort when we needed it most. We just hope that we gave her the best life ever. We spoiled her because she spoiled us. She was loved by our family and friends, and I know she will forever be missed.